For FrozenAssets

[brooklyn_boy]

 The strange thing was that Steve had never really been alone before. The closest he got was in DC with the small apartment and the ghosts of the past he kept close to him at all times. But even then, he had the Avengers. He had constant contact with Tony and the rest of the team. Missions to keep him occupied so that the moments with just his record player and books felt like a break more than stifling isolation. But now, after all that had happened? 

Now he truly felt alone. 

Europe had the unique ability to move forward in time while preserving the past in small isolated bubbles. Steve slipped into England at nightfall and trusted his new beard and darker hair to stop instant recognition from getting him arrested. He was a fugitive, after all. The only place he was truly safe now was Wakanda and he'd fled from that protection as soon as he could. 

It wasn't ingratitude that had him running. It wasn't duty either although he used that as a convenient excuse. It was that ever since Bucky closed his eyes in the cryotube, Steve had felt an ache of loneliness open up inside of him and for the first time since waking up in the 21st century, he couldn't figure out how to handle it. 

The feeling was unfair to Nat and Sam. Both of them were around more than they weren't and were there for him in a way that was complicated and profound. They both had turned their back on so much to stand at his side. But Nat had her own missions to disappear on and Sam had a family he couldn't reach that tore him up inside. And Steve? The only family he'd ever known here was once more locked away. Close enough to touch and yet still inaccessible. Failed yet again by Steve who tried so hard to protect his best friend and came up short. 

Too slow to grab his hand. Too late to save his mind. Too weak to keep him safe. Forever destined, it seemed, to say goodbye and be left behind. 

To be alone. 

And so he ran. He ran back to one of those bubbles in time that England had. A bar made, destroyed, and then rebuilt on the same ground like a phoenix rising. The place where he and Bucky had drank a beer and started their journey into the war. Where Bucky had looked at a six-foot man brimming with muscles and had seen a little guy from Brooklyn where he'd always been. And where Steve had gone back to mourn that first time he'd lost Bucky two days before he died himself. 

Steve wasn't sure why he needed to be there. He just did. At this time of day it was closed and dark which fit his mood well enough. Nat had taught him how to get into such places unseen and when he did, the past pushed against him like a too-tight hug. It was comforting and suffocating all at the same time and the choked out sob bubbled up before he could stop it. He wanted to go <i>back</i>. Back to the war when things were so much simpler. Back to the days when he knew who he was and what role he had to play. Back when he had Bucky and wasn't so <i>alone</i>, even in a crowd. 

He walked to the counter and it was new and not when his hands fell on it. It looked the same as where he and Bucky sat. New wood made with old designs; the attempt to make things the way they'd always been and getting as close as you could while still falling short. His nails scratched against the wood as they curled into fists, body bowing over the spot like he were praying. Perhaps he was. For what though, he couldn't say. 

Steve's head lifted up and red eyes looked at the bar, desperate for a drink. There was a row of items there from the time the bar was destroyed. Trinkets and antiques left behind after the bombings and the bloodshed. Steve walked behind and let his fingertips brush over them, remembering when they had been new. Mugs. Buttons. Medals. And there, at the end, something different. Something brighter than the rest. Something old and new at the same time that called him back in a way he couldn't explain. 

Steve reached for it, unsure of what it was or why it seemed so important. But it did. And as his fingertips stroked over it, the burst of nostalgia that came over him was enough to bring him to his knees. Like he was touching the past. Bridging the gap. 

If only such a thing could be done...

Comments

[frozenassets]

“I know, War’s not all gonna be fun and games,” Bucky sighs. “It’s just….” and he spreads his hands for a moment, a little helpless at first to describe what he’s feeling here and he might as well indicate well…everything here.

It’s there and gone, but Bucky catches the actual wince across Steve’s face. Like…like maybe he already knows where Bucky’s going with this, and maybe that other Steve didn’t read his own time right. Maybe this Steve, his Steve, already subjects where ethos is going…and was hoping to avoid the subject if their friendship was gonna survive another day.

Bucky’s own stomach clenches with uneasiness. And for a second, Bucky even thinks of pulling it back, settling on something safer. But if not now, when? According to the future Steve, Bucky’s already a dead man walking. And maybe Bucky should also take that other Steve’s words to heart. Why live knowing his days are numbered and not have the guts to see where this even goes? Steve’s still touching him, a hand resting ont eh nape of his neck and splayed along his knee, with Bucky’s other hand over his.

Bucky’s jaw tightens, look firm like he’s bracing himself for a leap. Only…

Bucky stares at Steve for a second, startled, ‘cause that wasn’t exactly where Bucky had been going. Of course he’d like a break, any guy would. But it’s war. The War. And Bucky didn't take the first exit out when he had one, and how he's gonna even think about it when Steve's out here fighting?

“I mean, sure, who doesn’t? I just don’t think the brass is gonna be keen on one of their best sniper’s kicking their boots up,” Bucky says, doubtfully. Maybe this was too subtle. With a sigh, Bucky pulls Steve’s hand from his neck, but only so he can clasp both of Steve’s hands in his and look him in the eye like he’s trying to get Steve to see a glimmer of where he’s going without making Bucky spill his entire heart. He’s never been good at that. “I just meant…. I don’t know, the last couple of days got me thinking. About how maybe a guy should appreciate the good moments, while he’s got it.”

[brooklyn_boy]

Steve is still for a long moment once Bucky has finished speaking. He knows acutely that he is being presented with clues to what is really bothering Bucky, but none of them seem to fit. He's got jigsaw pieces pushed up next to building blocks and then some connect-the-dot pages for fun and all of them are supposed to make some bigger, grander picture. Steve can't see it. He can't even figure out the angle he's supposed to be using.

Here's what he has: Bucky has been thinking about appreciating the good moments. He's bringing up that fact after being in what was essentially a short coma at a bar. There's a bartender that probably means nothing but who Steve just can't dismiss. And there is this tension, pregnant and heavy around them which he can't figure out the origin of.

All of that has to be related somehow but how? And why? And what the Hell happened to his friend?

Steve finally shifts and it's pretty much just an adjustment of posture. His hands stay where they are. He can't discount the idea that something odd might happen again and, if it does, he needs Bucky within reach.

"Buck," he says softly, confused. "Is this... Are you..."

He rearranges the clues and thinks he might have a new image bubbling up from the smoke in his crystal ball: Bucky being knocked out, the bartender being very concerned and eager to assist, Bucky talking about enjoying good moments while he can, needing breaks...

Steve swallows hard.

"Did...did you take something? In the bar?"

[frozenassets]

Bucky couldn’t possibly look more stunned then. Sure, he was trying to fumble them towards the subject he’d never have gotten the guts for before his time collided with the other Steve’s. Sure, he was trying not to scare Steve off too. But come on! Steve’s this blind? It’s like that one time that cute doll - Eliza, the grocer’s daughter down the street - had been moon-eyeing over Steve for weeks on end, even tried to ask him out (sorta) and the entire thing had flown right over Steve’s head. One of the few girls to have a thing for Steve, and he’d missed out.

Honestly, it’d been kinda painful.

Now Bucky’s feeling a little like Eliza. He squeezes Steve’s hand, emphatically, as he shakes his head. “What, no! No, nothing different than when we get the night off,” And just in case, Bucky tacks on. “I just have my usual. Couple shots of whiskey. That’s all.”

Bucky looks down at Steve’s hands gripped in his, wondering how the hell he’s gonna get this point across to Steve. The other Steve just…got it. His own Steve’s so oblivious that Bucky’s wondering if maybe the other Steve read the past one wrong. Or something. Look, Bucky likes fantasy and science-fiction but he’s no experiment in time travel stuff.

Bucky dares a glance up at Steve to see him looking at him with concern. Like he's trying to be there for him like any best friend should, but he’s not sure what’s going on or how to help.

“What I meant - “ And Bucky stalls about, ‘cause now he’s afraid Steve’s not gonna quite get it if he works it out. So instead, Bucky’s hand twists in Steve’s shirt as he tugs him towards him and gasps out, “Please, please don’t hate me for this -”

Their lips crash together the next second in a fierce, hard kiss that Bucky narrowly avoids clicking their teeth on.

[brooklyn_boy]

Just recently Steve had been sitting with Peggy over tea and just talking about their lives. It was a nice, warm memory amidst the battles and pain. The two of them sharing childhood anecdotes and teasing each other about some of their stranger moments. And in the middle of it all had been Bucky. Not in person, but definitely in spirit. He was centered in almost every story Steve told and every memory that made him smile. The night wore on and Steve hadn't even realized how much he'd been talking until he finally glanced over at Peggy and saw it.

She knew.

Steve could see from the patient, fond, almost pitying expression on her face that she knew now. And it was a miracle she wasn't disgusted or running from him for it. If anything she seemed almost charmed. But still, the fact that his heart was so exposed that he could just bare it without even meaning to?

Well. That wasn't actually new information, really. But it did underline how lax he'd become with hiding it. Something he couldn't afford out here if he wanted them to stay together. Something he couldn't afford full stop if he wanted to keep Bucky in his life.

Or so he thought.

Steve shoves Bucky back a few seconds into the kiss. It's instinctual, his eyes darting around the locked and private room as though someone was hiding in the curtain. Even when he's sure they're safe and alone, he looks almost horrified for a second. Like his most private, desperate dream had somehow clawed its way into reality just to expose him. Just to push Bucky away from him. But the horror fades away quickly since the only one doing any pushing here was him.

And, Jesus Christ. Bucky had kissed him.

Steve stares at his friend, stunned now more than anything else. His lips are warm and tingling from the hard kiss they'd just received. It had been short but Steve was replaying every second of it in his head. Bucky asking for Steve not to hate him. The way he got tugged in close. The feel of his best friend's body so near to his own, lips pressed to his and gently shifting. He'd dreamed of a moment like that. Wanted it for longer than he could even remember. And it had happened. It had really happened.

And Steve had stopped it. Which... yeah. Okay. That was a bad idea. Steve could worry about what this means or why it's happening later on. Right now though...

"Bucky... Buck," he says in a hoarse voice. "I could never hate you. Hear me?"

Steve's a lot less confident than Bucky or his future self had been. He uses his grip on Bucky's shoulders to pull him forward and almost tentatively shifts his head to press a peck to the corner of the other's mouth. Even that alone makes his body light up like a Christmas tree and his cheeks go pink.

"Never. And definitely not for this..."

Steve blushes all the more as he leans back in to try a more firm, passionate kiss like Bucky did. This time however teeth can't be spared and he lets out a soft curse before trying again with a bit more care.

[frozenassets]

Steve’s lips are soft; unlike the future Steve, there’s no sting of a coarse beard, or an answering groan as they part in a shocked gasp. It’s clear in an instant; Steve’s not expecting his best friend to plant one on him, and he’s not kissing him back in those next couple seconds. Then hands settle on Bucky’s shoulder and Bucky’s heart runs ice-cold and his mouth goes dry when Steve shoves him back. It’s a little rough, mostly because he took Steve by surprise and he’s still got strength he never had before, and Bucky has to catch himself on the headboard quick.

God, how could he be so stupid? To assume this Steve might feel the same? If the other Steve didn’t remember them becoming a thing back in the War, then it must’ve never happened, or maybe time travel’s a lot like roads that are similar but run alongside each other.

Now they stare at each other, Steve’s eyes wide as saucers and looking fucking horrified Bucky drops his head, gut twisting, and looks away as his throat works on a hard swallow as his mind races on what he should say. What can he say to salvage this? He’s ruined their friendship. Probably ruined the squad, if Steve starts second-guessing himself and doesn’t trust him to have his back right.

“I-” Bucky starts, then falls short. He doesn’t got a clue what to say. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have. I know you’re not like that”

Even if Steve’s telling him he could never hate him, Bucky can’t get that Steve’s look out of his head or how quick he pushed him back. Maybe they’ll work together but how can they be okay after this? Bucky’s tense under Steve’s grip, and it’s only when he feels Steve pulling him towards him that he looks up, just in time to see Steve press in closer just to land a soft peck - the kind when you were just starting out, playing it safe - to the corner of Bucky’s lips.

Bucky gapes, thrown. “You’re not disgusted-?”

It’s as far as Bucky gets, because Steve’s leaning in, capturing his lips with a faint click of teeth that Bucky both winces and laughs with sheer relief into, while as he drags Steve in all the way closer against him with a low, wanting, desperate sound. Whatever’s going through Steve’s head, it can wait. Bucky’s almost too afraid to dig closer.

[brooklyn_boy]

Even living in each other's pockets, Steve doesn't know everything about Bucky, clearly. He hadn't known the man wanted to kiss him, first of all. And he also had no idea he could make noises like the one he just did. That deep, keening sound that sent Steve's blood into his lap and responding with one of his own. It is softer and almost surprised. Steve doesn't know where it even came from but it comes up again as he shifts one hand to the back of Bucky's head, carding through the short hairs.

He's touched them before. He and Bucky would give each other haircuts when they lived together and noticed one of them needed it. Steve knows the feeling of the other's hair as well as he does his own. But touching it like this feels new and almost erotic. Steve's blunt nails scratch at Bucky's scalp as his hand curls a bit and straightens again. He shivers as though he were the one feeling it.

Steve breaks the kiss for a second just to breathe, eyes blinking open and drinking his friend's features in at this new, intimate distance. They're close enough that even just shifting his head has their noses bumping. The sensation brings a smile to his face and Steve continues to do it intentionally, now. Nuzzling like a puppy between short pecks.

"I'm not disgusted," he says needlessly, smile growing. "Jesus. I figured if you'd ever...you know. Known... That would be the last nail in the coffin for whatever kept you with me."

He strokes the fingers of his free hand along Bucky's jawline, up to his temple and then down again. Steve hasn't stopped smiling yet. His face almost hurts with it.

"But, seriously? You... me?! You can have anyone. You practically did back in Brooklyn. I know the new body and all helps, but... You'd seriously want this with me?"

[frozenassets]

The groan squeezes out at the gorgeous, low, startled little sound Steve makes; at the kiss itself or the fact Bucky’s the one kissing him back, but Bucky’s not about to cut it short to find out. Nothing seems to matter when he’s got his Steve pressing into the kiss, or sliding fingers into his hair while Bucky clutches wrinkles into Steve’s uniform.

Bucky’s grip smooths out the next seconds, hands splayed flat over Steve’s chest as he tastes Steve’s mouth like it’s new all over again, and leans in closer. Arousal flickers down in a hot path down past his belly, as blunt nails drag against Bucky’s scalp, Bucky’s breathing thick and uneven by the time they part. Bucky opens his eyes, their noses grazing against each other as Bucky takes Steve in; the gorgeous flush of pink to kiss-teased lips, the way his hair’s a little ruffled and the dazed little smile on his best friend leans in. Bucky’s smiling, relieved, thrilled, heart fluttering as they curl towards each other, nuzzling against each other’s lips between short, teasing kisses.

“I guess I was too afraid to say anything until now. Not until all this,” Bucky sighs. It had taken the War and then meeting the Future Steve to give Bucky some courage. Bucky looks down at where he’s toying with one of the clasps on Steve’s jacket, but leaves it at that: this is already a big leap, and Bucky’s sure as hell not about to scare Steve off by going too far, too fast. Whatever Steve wants, at the speed he wants, as far as he wants. Whatever that looks like, Bucky knows he’ll be thrilled with anything. He’s wanted Steve Rogers for so long that he’s happy for anything. “You felt the same? Really?”

What about Peggy, Bucky almost asks. He doesn’t hate himself that much, so he keeps his mouth shut. Whatever this is, even if it’s short or a one time kinda thing, Bucky’ll take it.

He looks back up, cupping along the angle of Steve’s jaw and tilts Steve’s face into a slow, thorough, deep kiss before framing Steve’s face in his hands and looking him dead in the eye, utterly serious. ‘Cause Steve has to know -

“It’s not ‘cause of the serum. Or all this - “ the new body, the power. Never has been. Bucky continues. “-I’ve wanted you long before anyone dreamed up Project Rebirth. All those birds who turned you down didn’t know what they were missing or they were blind. “

[brooklyn_boy]

Steve blushes a rosy red, head ducking like he can make himself small again, now. He grins up at Bucky through his lashes before looking away again with a fond eye roll. "You're the blind one if you looked at my scrawny body and wanted anything other than to give me a sandwich."

But Bucky's words hit him deep. After the serum it's been like he possessed someone else. His body, healthier, stronger, and bigger than before is not his own as much as it is. People looking at him now don't register as people looking at him. Captain America is a force of his own and Steve Rogers died somewhere in Jersey. To everyone except for a small few, it seems.

One of the main people being Bucky.

With the other man's hands on his face, Steve covers them with his own and returns that deep kiss from before. He's new at this but a fast learner. He even manages to nip a bit at Bucky's lower lip before pulling away. The blush is still all over his cheeks but Steve's gaze is less embarrassed than heated now. Heated and oh so terribly in love.

"I wanted you for so long, Buck. I couldn't risk losing you by saying anything... But yeah. I felt the same. Probably since I started feeling anything for anyone... It was always you..."

[frozenassets]

“Hey, don’t go talking like that, you were always a looker to me,” Bucky scoffs. Here’s the Steve Rogers that people just aren’t gonna see out there. Well... not unless you were Peggy, ‘cause depending on the day, Steve either looks like he might trip on his own feet or somehow finds how to be smooth as butter with her. For a second, Bucky has to wonder at how Peggy fits in with all this. The selfish part of him that knows his days are numbered? Isn’t so sure about playing nice anymore.

Whatever happens, he doesn’t even want to think that far ahead. Bucky finds himself grinning back, feeling a little like that guy back in New York and not the guy who can take a life these days without even batting an eye. His heart flutters, light as a feather for once, when Steve covers his hands with his and presses in for a deeper, bolder kiss; maybe not a lot of practice but he’s quick to learn and Bucky’s there to help show him, slowly deepening the kiss and answering the delicious nip with a swipe of his tongue along Steve’s lower lip.

Just a tease, but not going in too heavy. Bucky can be a regular gentleman, just watch him.

It’s just a little tough when Steve’s looking at him like that. The guy looks like a real dish. Bucky’s hands rest on Steve’s shoulder as he scoots closer, so they aren’t having to lean over his bunched up legs. Their thighs press warm and firm against each other.

“Look at us, a regular pair of clowns,” Bucky has to laugh. Here they are, after years of dancing around each other in silence. He sobers though, because; “I don’t know where this takes us. But I’m along for wherever the ride goes, pal. Got it?”

[brooklyn_boy]

Steve is quiet for the moment as he thinks over what Bucky said. It's a loaded offer and Steve isn't sure if he should bat it away to deal with some other time or curl around it like the grenade it is. Either way, he feels suddenly exposed, even in the room alone. Steve leans in and pecks Bucky soft on the lips before holding up a finger to ask him to wait just a second. He has to make sure he is protecting his friend. His love, now, who is offering him so much more than Steve ever hoped he could have.

He goes to the door and opens it just a crack to let the soldiers nearby know that Sergeant Barnes woke up and that Steve's going to watch over him for the rest of the night. They can go tell the brass but no one is to disturb them. He even uses his Captain America voice to make sure the point gets across. Sergeant Barnes needs to rest and recover and Steve has it under control.

When he closes the door, he locks it for good measure. Steve turns it so softly that the 'click' is barely audible even to him.

Steve is still thinking as he shrugs off his coat and kicks off his shoes. He's not bold enough to lose the pants or shirt so he settles back into the space he'd had before still mostly dressed. What he's lost though lets the warmth of Bucky seep into his skin like the hot water bottles Sarah used to keep Steve alive over the winter. He cups Bucky's jaw and exhales a soft sigh.

"This could take you to a blue ticket," Steve says honestly. Neither of them are going to pretend that Captain America would get dismissed even if he was caught blowing half the 107th. The only one in danger would be the expendable ones. The ones not on posters or in comic books, covered in stars and stripes.

"I'm... I'm not sayin' that to push you off. Buck, you gotta know that I want this wherever the ride goes, too. But I just... I wanna know you're really sure about this. It could wreck your life if people found out..."

[frozenassets]

Bucky finds himself holding his breath as Steve mulls it over. It’s an offer that can be anything, honestly. However Steve wants this to go. Hell. Bucky’ll even be just peachy-keen sitting here with him, stealing the minutes that Captain America normally can’t spare.; Steve didn’t run for the hills after that kiss. He’ll take it.

His shoulders slump a little with relief when Steve leans in and plants a soft peck on the lips in answer. Wordlessly, Bucky nods. Steve’s not leaving, he just needs a minute to…deal with the GIs outside? Bucky’s teeth sink into his lip, worry flitting across his face. Jesus, how loud were they talking? What if the fellas heard? Bucky stares at the broad span of Steve’s back blocking his view, but Steve’s actually making use of his bulk now to block the guys from staring into the room.

The worry fades just a little when Steve locks the door and turns back to the bed. It fades even further, diving into relief when Steve decides he’d really like to make himself comfy for the night; shoes kicked off and coat left on a chair. Bucky kicks the sheets off him and makes room for Steve, sliding his legs under him and slinging his arm around his waist as Steve settles back next to him with a creak of bed springs that Bucky’s gonna pray aren’t going through the walls.

Bucky sucks his head and sighs. “Yeah, I know. No way they’d give you one, but me on the other hand…”

Like Captain America was gonna get caught in funny business, and if he was, no way they’d make a show or punish him. But anyone else? No way Bucky wouldn’t get a blue ticket and an dishonorable discharge.

Grey eyes find Steve’s as he looks up at him, while Bucky’s hand curls over Steve’s, palm pressed to the line of knuckles as he gives his hand a squeeze and bumps his shoulder into his side as he lowers his voice even more, just in case. “I know, this stupid, it’s dangerous. But I told you, I’ve been thinking things over lately,” and it’s not like he’s gonna make it past the war, so….

(Bucky keeps his trap shut on that one.)

He goes on. “I’m damn sure. If not now, when? Watching more moments passing us by?”

[brooklyn_boy]

Steve's eyes go hard for a second and he pulls his hand free to point a finger in Bucky's face. "Let's get one thing straight here. This may be a whole lotta things. But stupid ain't one of them. Okay?"

He lets the seriousness of his expression fade into a smile and doesn't do anything with his finger except bop Bucky's nose. Which, a second later, he apologizes to with a soft kiss. Yeah, yeah. He's a sap. Sue him.

Steve settles into the bed more and almost curls around Bucky. It's still an odd position for him and he feels that strangeness acutely. Part of Steve is still the scrawny kid with heart problems. But the rest of him is getting used to what he has now and if it lets him hold all of Bucky in his arms? Yeah. It's alright by him. Steve kisses the corner of his mouth just because he can and sighs.

"Alright. Alright Mister Gonna-get-Wise-All-of-A-Sudden," he teases with a smile. "You're right. We need to make this time as good as we can. Even here. Even when it could be dangerous."

Steve strokes his fingertips along Bucky's cheek.

"I dunno what made you take the chance tonight, but I'm glad you did. There's precious little out here that's not ugly and full of pain.

"If I got lucky enough to have something this good fall into my lap, I'd be a fool to not hold onto it with both hands. And my ma didn't raise a fool..."

[frozenassets]

“No more talking about anything being stupid. God it,” Bucky grins, both hands up in an ‘i-surrender’. “Let’s just call it ‘risky’ as hell.”

But come on, it’s the walking picture of foolhardy here. Between two guys in the middle of a war? With Captain fucking America? If anyone’s gonna have the magnifying glass on them, it’s going to be Steve. Which means they gotta play it safe, not look like anything more outside of closed doors. Bucky rolls his eyes at the nose bop, even if half of him’s relieved that some of the silliness from back home still peeks out now and then, and leans in smiling into a soft press as Bucky captures Steve’s lips in a nice, slow kiss.

Bucky’s mouth quirks into a smile at the kiss along his mouth, heart light as a feather for the first time in years when Steve says he wants to play ball. Shifting his weight, Bucky turns on his side towards Steve as Steve practically curls around him like Bucky used to do for him back in the day. With his arm slung across Steve’s waist and his other curled up under his own head, Bucky looks between them like they’re away from the war, maybe camping at the Grand Canyon, sharing a secret in the late evening hours when no one’s really willing to sleep.

“No, she sure didn’t,” Bucky smiles softly, looking at Steve close up like he’s discovering new sides to his oldest, best friend. His Steve doesn’t have that look in his eyes like tragedy’s been burned into him yet. Maybe Bucky can do something to keep that from him longer. Bucky curls close to him, sliding his hand up so he can toy with the short hairs at the back.

His thumb strokes along the arches of his cheekbone, then travels down along the path carved by the angle of a strong jaw. “I just wish I’d said something earlier if this is how you felt. We got a lot of lost time to make up.”

[brooklyn_boy]

"You're not the only one who coulda said something," Steve points out. He can't stand Bucky blaming himself for anything and never could. The guy hung the moon in Steve's eyes from the moment they'd met; he couldn't accept him putting himself down when Steve could put it on himself instead. "I'm supposed to be brave, right? Supposed to be the one who takes the risks and all. I coulda told you something. Coulda said how I felt. 'Specially when you got shipped out and that mighta been the last time I saw you..."

Steve's quiet for a moment, his own eyes drinking in Bucky from the new, close distance. Having full color vision for the first time has allowed him to really see the depths of Bucky's eyes. It's let him appreciate the hues of his hair and the gentle way his cheeks go ruddy with drink. Steve has no idea how he survived so many years without it now that he can take it for granted. And he'll never forget the first time he got to see it.

"I was so scared," he confesses quietly in the warm air between them. "And then... When they told me you were one of the men missing... When they said they were makin' your letter to send home to your ma and sisters..." His voice cracks on that last word and he has to close his eyes a moment just to rally back.

"I woulda done anything to save you. Anything. Far as I see it, all the months of being their performing monkey was worth it just so I could bust you outta that shithole and bring you back." His fingers trail over Bucky's jaw, go up to his hairline, migrate back down and over the pulse in his neck. Steve can't find enough places to touch. "Seeing you on that table was the best moment of my life just because I could hear you talkin' and knew you were alive. Got to see you in full color for the first time. Got to see you smiling up at me...hear my name in both ears from your lips."

Steve has held on about as long as he could. He holds Bucky around the back of his neck, thumb brushing small circles under his ear before pulling him in for a kiss. It's a desperate one. The one Steve would have pressed against his mouth right there in Azzano if he'd known it would be returned. His eyes are bright as he pulls away from that moment and back into the room with Bucky in his arms. He smiles weakly but with true joy behind it.

"I shoulda done that then."

[frozenassets]

Honestly, Bucky never even figured Steve was into guys. No matter what some fellas said when they saw what Steve looked like, Bucky was so sure that he wasn’t an invert. Especially when you saw how tongue-tied Steve got around girls. The guy just had bad luck with them, that’s all. But Bucky never figured in a million years that Steve was interested in guys, much less the one standing next to him. So he never asked. Was too afraid to.

“It’s on both of us,” Bucky concedes as a smirk flickers across his face, tilting his jaw up a little so Steve’s fingers can slip along the hollow of soft skin underneath. His eyes drift closed for a moment with a pleased rumble as Steve touches him like he can’t get enough. Hell, he can’t get enough, and what they’re doing isn’t even the heavy stuff. But he could practically live on this for the rest of his life and be thrilled. “Bet it would’ve been one helluva send-off party though.”

Bucky’s face softens a little at the edges as Steve’s voice cracks just a little, and his smile fades as Steve’s voice dips like he’s admitting something else Captain Rogers couldn’t let out in public: that he worried like the rest of them, that he got scared too. Bucky lets out a soft sigh, deep and slow, out as he listens and lets Steve have it all out, stroking along a broad arm, feeling thickly corded muscle and strong forearm, and those clever hands that are the same that Bucky tangles his fingers with and brings them up between the with an encouraging squeeze.

It comes out like Steve’s been holding it in and unable to breath a word. It’s gotta be a relief.

“But I’m not, and it’s thanks to you,” Bucky curls in closer, ankles tangled with each other. Whatever happens in the future, it’s not Steve’s fault. “I thought I was hallucinating back on the table, but seeing you was just…” Something tightens in Bucky’s throat, on the lump threatening there, and he breathes out through his nose to try and force it down, hide the waver in his voice like he tries to hide the waver in his hands on some days. He shakes his head. “...I keep coming back to that moment I realized it was you there coming to get me.”

Bucky’s hand tightens on Steve’s, arm winding around his shoulder as he breathes hard into the kiss, hard and a little desperate along the edges, as if all he wants just then is to think of Steve, and not that hell hole that feels like all of him didn’t get out from. Bucky’s eyes linger on Steve’s lip, leaning in to indulge himself in a tiny, soft nip. “I thought about it, you know. Back the night when you formed the Commandos. Almost had enough liquid courage in me, and then I saw you come in dressed to the nines.”

[brooklyn_boy]

Steve barks out a laugh, too surprised to even hold it back. "Are you kidding me?" He rolls them over so he can lay over his friend , ducking to rest his forehead against Bucky's chest for a second before tilting it back up. His chin digs into Bucky's pectoral and it's something to feel the smooth, hard muscle there. His other hand is irresistibly drawn to stroking up and down the other's side, almost massaging it with the low level of strength he's applying.

"Okay. Consider it revenge then, pal. Because if I was dressed to the nines and threw you off, you tortured me our whole life. Do you know what happened when you hit puberty and suddenly became all strong and tall? First your clothes got all tight before your ma was able to make you new stuff. Unfair. And then you got all those glad rags you broke out for dates. Made my mouth go dry each time you dolled up..."

He let his hand stroke up and into Bucky's hair to muss it up gently.

"Slicked back your hair with pomade. Got that aftershave that smelled like a million bucks. You got no idea what it was like to watch you hang off a dame's arm like Clark Gable and then dancing with them."

The bite is returned with one of Steve's own, shyer and more teasing as he applied it to his plush bottom lip. He immediately soothes it with the tip of his tongue and from there it's impossible to not just deepen it into a real kiss all over again.

"You've always just been too good to be true and somehow always at my side..."

[frozenassets]

Deja vu hits Bucky just then as he’s rolled over with Steve sprawled in a delicious, firm weight all over him; seems like only hours ago, he’d been like this with Steve and years between them, experience and weariness set along his features, and a sadness there that only seemed to ease off of him as they lay together, sweaty and sated. What happens to that Steve next?

Steve’s laugh, bright and sudden, brings Bucky back. Only this time they got clothes between them, and Steve’s clean-shaven with eyes that are bright and giddy. Bucky beams down at him, for once feeling light as a feather, and not like he’s trudging through each day by dragging one foot in front of the other when he's not killing HYDRA goons. His arms wind along Steve’s back, holding him nice and flush against him while Bucky shifts his hips and angles a leg just so Steve can settle perfectly along him. His eyes drift shut the next moment on a low groan of relief as Steve works a little at the tension formed there throughout the last couple months.

Now it’s Bucky’s turn to laugh, a low rumble against Steve as he tries to keep it down in case there’s anyone outside. “Oh, you’re gonna blame me ‘cause I don’t have a bad side?” Now Bucky lifts his head, fighting a grin off and failing. “You telling me you had your eyes on me? Sometimes I took extra long to get ready. Especially when I knew you were around.”

So maybe he’d played a little with fire, teased before he’d really known what he was doing. All Bucky knew was that he liked the way Steve’s attention would linger on him.

A little shiver of arousal works its way through him as Steve teases him back, a tease of tongue before they kiss and Bucky groans into the taste of Steve’s mouth as his tongue teases entry. Bucky drags his curled fingers up and down the curve of Steve’s spine, lingering at his lower back before the touch skids back upwards. “I’ve been with you through thick and thin. No way I was gonna leave you for nothing.”

[brooklyn_boy]

"No bad side, huh? I dunno if I've seen every single one. You gotta have at least a bad angle or something..."

Steve grins as he props himself up to look down Bucky's body. The arms around his neck though reel him right back in and he's more than happy to settle back into the spot he apparently fits into so well. The touches to his back are enough to have him practically arching into them like a cat. Steve exhales a sigh and peppers a few kisses around Bucky's jaw, lazy and indulgent. Like in here there is no war and no world that would look at them in love and think them appalling. There is nothing but the two of them. Steve and Bucky. As it always had been and hopefully always would.

Steve nips where his teeth just were, playing with the feel of another expression of affection. There's just so many and so little time...

"I can't believe you didn't know I was sweet on you when we were teens. I look back on some of the things I did back then and feel like a Broadway sign was over my head."

He hadn't thought at the time he was being obvious but in hindsight it was incredible he wasn't arrested at fifteen. The way he'd curl into Bucky when an arm was thrown around his neck? How his eyes would lock on when he got up to spin a girl around the floor? The millions of sketchbooks filled with pieces of his profile and the frequent requests for Bucky to sit for practice on anatomy sketching? Yeah. The generous option here was that they were both just too worried about their own secret getting out to notice the other's. Less generous was that they were both morons which was probably closer to the truth.

"Guess the stupid got divided equally..."

[frozenassets]

“Not a single one,” Bucky grins. For once he’s less Sergeant Barnes and at least for now, plain old Bucky.

Of course, Steve’s gotta be a wise ass. He looks down along the sprawl of Bucky’s body like he’s gotta be sure, so Bucky knocks his knee into Steve’s thigh for that one. Like Steve’s actually gotta check! And just to make it easier for him, Bucky stretches out with a grin, eyebrow quirked upwards. He makes sure Steve gets a nice good look of a lean, muscled form shifting under him; and compared to when Steve first found him, at least he’s managed to fill out some.

Then Steve settles back right over him like he’s coming home. Under Bucky’s hands roaming along the span of Steve’s back, his body ripples a little from his touch, muscles shifting nicely under the stretch of the shirt across them as Bucky toys with the hem of his shirt; not quite tugging it free but teasing at it and the patch of skin that peeks out. Look, he’s gonna be a gentleman here (he’s not sure how far Steve’s gone, or how far he wants to go), but Bucky also can’t resist a good tease.

Just as he can’t rest turning to brush his lips along the corner of Steve’s mouth in a ghost of a kiss, before nuzzling at the dark hollow behind his ear.

“That’d make two of us then. I’d flirt with you and laugh it off like I was joshing around, but…” Bucky shakes his head, thinking back to that one drawing session where when Steve turned around, Bucky had slung himself across the couch, fresh from the shower, hair damp and shirt hanging open. You know, so Steve’d have some variety to draw and ‘cause Bucky didn’t want to sit in a pose for hours sweaty.

That’s what Bucky told himself, but looking back, he’d been playing with fire. Maybe enjoyed the way Steve had frozen for a second when he’d looked up once he got his supplies ready. Bucky looks away, face burning a little as he admits muffled against Steve’s hair; “I guess part of me wanted to push my luck. See if I’d get you to really look at me.”

[brooklyn_boy]

It's too much to believe, almost. It's one thing to be told that Bucky was attracted to him like this and quite another to know that he had always felt that way. Back when Steve was small and no one gave him even the slightest attention, Bucky had been trying to catch his eye. Had been looking at him the same way Steve had tried to stop himself from doing. And now, in the middle of a war, they'd both finally had the nerve to do something about it.

More so Bucky, sure. But Steve wasn't just gonna let him take all the credit.

"I can't imagine if we'd figured it out back in Brooklyn. Walls were so thin I could hear our neighbors' blinks. Could you imagine us both tryin' to keep a lid on it every night? I'd give you maybe a month before you played Sinatra at top volume and hoped that drowned everything out."

It is a nice dream, honestly. Steve thinks about what that might have been like. Bucky would be sending him looks all through dinner. The tension in the apartment would be like waiting for a pitch when all the bases were loaded. Night would fall and the record would fill their room with sweet songs. Sweet songs that gradually got louder and louder as enough was enough and Bucky pressed him into the couch or the floor and kissed them both breathless. Timing gasps and moans to crescendos. Whispering words that were only meant for each other, barely audible but clear in meaning all the same.

Steve wants it. He wants that more than he's wanted anything since he enlisted.

"After all this is over... You and me. We're gonna have more money than we've seen in awhile. We can get a better place. Somewhere that don't have creaking floors or busybodies next door. Where we can just be you and me."

Steve pauses and pulls back again so he can look at Bucky's face. They've talked feelings and all but he's just made an assumption about whether this comes home with them or not. For all he knows, Bucky is gonna lose this nerve when his ma and sisters could walk in the door and catch them in an embrace. Steve wouldn't blame him for it at all. Part of him goes cold imagining his ma doing the same.

"If you wanted, I mean. I'm... You know I ain't gonna ask more from you than wanna give. I never thought I'd even have this, Buck."

[frozenassets]

Bucky’s eyes lower to watch the tiny wrinkles caught on Steve’s shirt ease out as he smooths a splayed palm over them; they don’t usually get guys as big as Steve out here, and if any strong men got drafted, they lost a lot of it on the front lines where rations could get tight. So sometimes they got trouble with Steve’s measurements; close but not perfect, so the shirt looks like it’s clinging tight to Steve’s broad frame. Steve’s built like a Greek God because Rebirth made him that way. Bucky’s finally used to it. Of course he can admit he looks good.

But something soft, wistful, settles on Bucky’s face. If he’d been braver, he could have been exploring Steve before the war. “We’d have landed in hot water quick. I don’t know about you, but - “ Bucky’s gaze slides back up to Steve’s eyes, his grin wicked. “- I know I can’t keep it down.”

Just something to leave stuck in Steve’s head the rest of the week.

He trails his touch along his shoulder, imagining it bonier, narrow. Steve would be light and slender, but you’d better prepare yourself for a living hell if you figured him delicate or busted. Maybe his hands would have some charcoal dusting along the fingertips and knuckles; just enough to leave smears on their skin while they had Sinatra floating in the night and no real hurry to hop to anything.

It’s when Steve mentions after the War that something falters in Bucky’s face; it’s quick as a blink, a moment’s uncertainty, sadness, uneasiness all flickering across Bucky’s face before he covers it up. He’s not supposed to make it through the war.

Bucky’s also never gonna put that on Steve. Instead, he squeezes his shoulder and grins broadly up at Bucky. “Of course I want to. Just gotta play it smart, I don’t want to give my folks a heart attack. But we’ll find a nice place, thick walls, maybe a nice view of the ocean or something. Hell, I bet I can afford to take you to the Ritz at least once in my lifetime. It’ll be our first real date.”

Literally forgot I didn't reply and then went to the thread to see if I'd missed yours.

[brooklyn_boy]

The idea of being at the Ritz with Bucky is enough of a dream for Steve to miss whatever had flickered over his friend's face a second before. He'd already let out a heartfelt groan as Bucky implied that he was gonna be very vocal and appreciative in bed. His forehead rested against the other's shoulder as he reined his hormones in and fought back the urge to really find out if that was true or if Bucky was bluffing to get him going.

Not here. Not here where the place was crawling with soldiers and people already were looking at Bucky with a closer eye thanks to his episode in the bar. He could imagine one wrong noise coming out of either of them and Bucky on a boat back to New York, him alone and chastised in Europe. It wasn't fair, really. The other men were taking the local ladies out and to locked rooms just like this. It wasn't anyone's business what happened behind those doors. And yet they both knew acutely that it was.

Maybe it was for the best. Bucky had just come out of what looked like a brief coma. Sex probably was a bad idea after that just in general.

"The Ritz? You really think you'd be able to show me that good a time?" Steve tilts his head and grins up at Bucky with a megawatt smile. He's teasing; both of them probably will come out of this with more money than they've seen in their entire lives. The Ritz might be able to be a weekend getaway with the Captain America bonuses.

"I feel like I'd lay down on those nice sheets and someone'd come in and shoo us both out so we didn't muck 'em up. Middle of the night I still wouldn't believe they let two slobs like us in. Without having to come in through the kitchen? Hard to imagine..."

[frozenassets]

Even if I’m not gonna make it out of the War, I can at least pretend I got a future, Bucky thinks. Judging from how the other Steve reacted to him, there’s no reason to think he’s wrong about it. And besides, Steve - no matter when he’s from - just isn’t a liar. Can’t even pull off a decent poker game. So Bucky smooths his hand up along Steve’s spine to tangle into the hair kept picture-perfect when he’s outside as Cap, mussing it up just because he can, and combs back through the strands like it’s a nice, lazy afternoon where they actually got all the time in the world.

There’s gotta be something on the horizon: come on, they found him sauced out or something and had to drag Steve from a meeting. It’s not even like Bucky knows what the hell happened, or how he came back to his own time. Only that they’re gonna have to deal with whatever comes from that. Just…maybe not tonight.

Bucky’s aims a look as pleased as the cat that caught the canary at the ceiling when Steve goes still against him. It’s all in that little shiver as Steve imagines what Bucky’s throwing out there. And frankly, he’s not quiet unless he’s trying really, really hard. But now you know, pal. Bucky doesn’t stop petting through Steve’s hair, even as he aims a smug grin down at him.

“I know I could, as long as you clean up nice,” Bucky says with a wink. Like Steve doesn’t look like a dish already.

Bucky squirms under him, gets nice and comfortable and curls an arm under his own head like a pillow, stretching his legs out so he can make some more room for Steve. “We can roll in fresh duds, you bat your pretty blues at everyone and I’ll turn up the charm if I gotta. But I don’t know, sneaking through the kitchen and grabbing a room someone hasn’t snagged for the night…It’s got potential. We’d have to be out quick, but I bet we’d leave it a whirlwind.”

[brooklyn_boy]

Being Captain America was like having someone rewrite his entire life. Steve Rogers was a story more than a real person. A person to pity and perhaps, for some, admire as the origin of a hero. The fact that Steve Rogers lived on didn't seem to make it into many comics or newspapers. That small, sickly man had died in public perception so that Captain America could save the world. But with Bucky, he lived on. And was just as much of a hellraiser as he'd ever been.

Steve's eyes go dark as he imagines the two of them sneaking in and out of the Ritz. They'd never even dared such a risk before. If they'd been caught before they would have need to sell everything they owned to just pay half the bill. But now when there is no real danger, the idea seems right up their alley. Steve shifts up Bucky's body and lowers his voice as he speaks close enough to have their lips touching.

"I like the idea of that. Those fat cats would have never allowed us to even get in the lobby before. Why should they get our money now? You and I have been sneaky enough out here. We could sneak our way in with the staff. Get a nice suite, if we're gonna be goin' through the effort. Those are more secluded anyway." His grin widens, devilish.

"We can see how long it takes for a noise complaint."

Yeah. That new fact of Bucky's is gonna burn a hole in his imagination until he's able to explore it more. For the moment though, Steve satisfies himself with a hard kiss and a roaming hand skirting back up Bucky's side, against the skin. When he pulls back it's hardly even far enough to stop sharing air.

"Whirlwind. Yeah. I think you're the man with the plan this time..."

[frozenassets]

He can’t even imagine Captain America doing anything sneaky. Not that guy. But the Steve Rogers he grew up with? Well, that might be another story. But it’s fun to pretend. Just like they used to when they’d lie there sprawled out in the summer heat, too hot to do much else, or sitting on the roof dangling their legs over the side and talking about what they’d do when Steve made it big one day. Bigger than Rockwell!

Bucky loops his arms right along Steve’s lower back like they’re slow dancing, Bucky’s fingers just teasing at the rise of Steve’s ass as he smiles up at Steve softer than he has in ages. Maybe they could even sneak in a little dancing somewhere else where the floorboards don’t creak. Steve’s gotta be more graceful after the serum, so maybe Bucky’s toes got a chance this time.

“The one with the best view of the city, of course. Penthouse even if we can score it,” Bucky whispers into the kiss, arching up under Steve as a broad hand skates up along his side, grinding more than he should up against Steve in a little tease of pleasure; not enough where Bucky’s gotta get worried about springing something on Steve, but enough to enjoy a good tease. “Maybe it’ll have thick walls for ritzy people who like their privacy. Think what we could’ve done with walls thicker than tissue.”

And if either of them had bit the bullet and said something earlier. Bucky hooks his thumbs in Steve’s belt, pulling him close and letting him feel the dig of leather into his lower back while Bucky satisfies himself (like he’s ever really gonna get tired - never!) with the taste of Steve’s mouth, the softness to his lips.

“Maybe I’d scope a bunch of places just as fancy out. We could break into them, have a room at every swanky place in town. Maybe even all the way from Brooklyn to Los Angeles.”