For FrozenAssets
Apr. 10th, 2022 11:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brooklyn_boy The strange thing was that Steve had never really been alone before. The closest he got was in DC with the small apartment and the ghosts of the past he kept close to him at all times. But even then, he had the Avengers. He had constant contact with Tony and the rest of the team. Missions to keep him occupied so that the moments with just his record player and books felt like a break more than stifling isolation. But now, after all that had happened?
Now he truly felt alone.
Europe had the unique ability to move forward in time while preserving the past in small isolated bubbles. Steve slipped into England at nightfall and trusted his new beard and darker hair to stop instant recognition from getting him arrested. He was a fugitive, after all. The only place he was truly safe now was Wakanda and he'd fled from that protection as soon as he could.
It wasn't ingratitude that had him running. It wasn't duty either although he used that as a convenient excuse. It was that ever since Bucky closed his eyes in the cryotube, Steve had felt an ache of loneliness open up inside of him and for the first time since waking up in the 21st century, he couldn't figure out how to handle it.
The feeling was unfair to Nat and Sam. Both of them were around more than they weren't and were there for him in a way that was complicated and profound. They both had turned their back on so much to stand at his side. But Nat had her own missions to disappear on and Sam had a family he couldn't reach that tore him up inside. And Steve? The only family he'd ever known here was once more locked away. Close enough to touch and yet still inaccessible. Failed yet again by Steve who tried so hard to protect his best friend and came up short.
Too slow to grab his hand. Too late to save his mind. Too weak to keep him safe. Forever destined, it seemed, to say goodbye and be left behind.
To be alone.
And so he ran. He ran back to one of those bubbles in time that England had. A bar made, destroyed, and then rebuilt on the same ground like a phoenix rising. The place where he and Bucky had drank a beer and started their journey into the war. Where Bucky had looked at a six-foot man brimming with muscles and had seen a little guy from Brooklyn where he'd always been. And where Steve had gone back to mourn that first time he'd lost Bucky two days before he died himself.
Steve wasn't sure why he needed to be there. He just did. At this time of day it was closed and dark which fit his mood well enough. Nat had taught him how to get into such places unseen and when he did, the past pushed against him like a too-tight hug. It was comforting and suffocating all at the same time and the choked out sob bubbled up before he could stop it. He wanted to go <i>back</i>. Back to the war when things were so much simpler. Back to the days when he knew who he was and what role he had to play. Back when he had Bucky and wasn't so <i>alone</i>, even in a crowd.
He walked to the counter and it was new and not when his hands fell on it. It looked the same as where he and Bucky sat. New wood made with old designs; the attempt to make things the way they'd always been and getting as close as you could while still falling short. His nails scratched against the wood as they curled into fists, body bowing over the spot like he were praying. Perhaps he was. For what though, he couldn't say.
Steve's head lifted up and red eyes looked at the bar, desperate for a drink. There was a row of items there from the time the bar was destroyed. Trinkets and antiques left behind after the bombings and the bloodshed. Steve walked behind and let his fingertips brush over them, remembering when they had been new. Mugs. Buttons. Medals. And there, at the end, something different. Something brighter than the rest. Something old and new at the same time that called him back in a way he couldn't explain.
Steve reached for it, unsure of what it was or why it seemed so important. But it did. And as his fingertips stroked over it, the burst of nostalgia that came over him was enough to bring him to his knees. Like he was touching the past. Bridging the gap.
If only such a thing could be done...
Now he truly felt alone.
Europe had the unique ability to move forward in time while preserving the past in small isolated bubbles. Steve slipped into England at nightfall and trusted his new beard and darker hair to stop instant recognition from getting him arrested. He was a fugitive, after all. The only place he was truly safe now was Wakanda and he'd fled from that protection as soon as he could.
It wasn't ingratitude that had him running. It wasn't duty either although he used that as a convenient excuse. It was that ever since Bucky closed his eyes in the cryotube, Steve had felt an ache of loneliness open up inside of him and for the first time since waking up in the 21st century, he couldn't figure out how to handle it.
The feeling was unfair to Nat and Sam. Both of them were around more than they weren't and were there for him in a way that was complicated and profound. They both had turned their back on so much to stand at his side. But Nat had her own missions to disappear on and Sam had a family he couldn't reach that tore him up inside. And Steve? The only family he'd ever known here was once more locked away. Close enough to touch and yet still inaccessible. Failed yet again by Steve who tried so hard to protect his best friend and came up short.
Too slow to grab his hand. Too late to save his mind. Too weak to keep him safe. Forever destined, it seemed, to say goodbye and be left behind.
To be alone.
And so he ran. He ran back to one of those bubbles in time that England had. A bar made, destroyed, and then rebuilt on the same ground like a phoenix rising. The place where he and Bucky had drank a beer and started their journey into the war. Where Bucky had looked at a six-foot man brimming with muscles and had seen a little guy from Brooklyn where he'd always been. And where Steve had gone back to mourn that first time he'd lost Bucky two days before he died himself.
Steve wasn't sure why he needed to be there. He just did. At this time of day it was closed and dark which fit his mood well enough. Nat had taught him how to get into such places unseen and when he did, the past pushed against him like a too-tight hug. It was comforting and suffocating all at the same time and the choked out sob bubbled up before he could stop it. He wanted to go <i>back</i>. Back to the war when things were so much simpler. Back to the days when he knew who he was and what role he had to play. Back when he had Bucky and wasn't so <i>alone</i>, even in a crowd.
He walked to the counter and it was new and not when his hands fell on it. It looked the same as where he and Bucky sat. New wood made with old designs; the attempt to make things the way they'd always been and getting as close as you could while still falling short. His nails scratched against the wood as they curled into fists, body bowing over the spot like he were praying. Perhaps he was. For what though, he couldn't say.
Steve's head lifted up and red eyes looked at the bar, desperate for a drink. There was a row of items there from the time the bar was destroyed. Trinkets and antiques left behind after the bombings and the bloodshed. Steve walked behind and let his fingertips brush over them, remembering when they had been new. Mugs. Buttons. Medals. And there, at the end, something different. Something brighter than the rest. Something old and new at the same time that called him back in a way he couldn't explain.
Steve reached for it, unsure of what it was or why it seemed so important. But it did. And as his fingertips stroked over it, the burst of nostalgia that came over him was enough to bring him to his knees. Like he was touching the past. Bridging the gap.
If only such a thing could be done...
no subject
Date: 2022-07-02 03:35 pm (UTC)"Okay. Consider it revenge then, pal. Because if I was dressed to the nines and threw you off, you tortured me our whole life. Do you know what happened when you hit puberty and suddenly became all strong and tall? First your clothes got all tight before your ma was able to make you new stuff. Unfair. And then you got all those glad rags you broke out for dates. Made my mouth go dry each time you dolled up..."
He let his hand stroke up and into Bucky's hair to muss it up gently.
"Slicked back your hair with pomade. Got that aftershave that smelled like a million bucks. You got no idea what it was like to watch you hang off a dame's arm like Clark Gable and then dancing with them."
The bite is returned with one of Steve's own, shyer and more teasing as he applied it to his plush bottom lip. He immediately soothes it with the tip of his tongue and from there it's impossible to not just deepen it into a real kiss all over again.
"You've always just been too good to be true and somehow always at my side..."
no subject
Date: 2022-07-03 03:30 am (UTC)Steve’s laugh, bright and sudden, brings Bucky back. Only this time they got clothes between them, and Steve’s clean-shaven with eyes that are bright and giddy. Bucky beams down at him, for once feeling light as a feather, and not like he’s trudging through each day by dragging one foot in front of the other when he's not killing HYDRA goons. His arms wind along Steve’s back, holding him nice and flush against him while Bucky shifts his hips and angles a leg just so Steve can settle perfectly along him. His eyes drift shut the next moment on a low groan of relief as Steve works a little at the tension formed there throughout the last couple months.
Now it’s Bucky’s turn to laugh, a low rumble against Steve as he tries to keep it down in case there’s anyone outside. “Oh, you’re gonna blame me ‘cause I don’t have a bad side?” Now Bucky lifts his head, fighting a grin off and failing. “You telling me you had your eyes on me? Sometimes I took extra long to get ready. Especially when I knew you were around.”
So maybe he’d played a little with fire, teased before he’d really known what he was doing. All Bucky knew was that he liked the way Steve’s attention would linger on him.
A little shiver of arousal works its way through him as Steve teases him back, a tease of tongue before they kiss and Bucky groans into the taste of Steve’s mouth as his tongue teases entry. Bucky drags his curled fingers up and down the curve of Steve’s spine, lingering at his lower back before the touch skids back upwards. “I’ve been with you through thick and thin. No way I was gonna leave you for nothing.”
no subject
Date: 2022-07-04 12:38 am (UTC)Steve grins as he props himself up to look down Bucky's body. The arms around his neck though reel him right back in and he's more than happy to settle back into the spot he apparently fits into so well. The touches to his back are enough to have him practically arching into them like a cat. Steve exhales a sigh and peppers a few kisses around Bucky's jaw, lazy and indulgent. Like in here there is no war and no world that would look at them in love and think them appalling. There is nothing but the two of them. Steve and Bucky. As it always had been and hopefully always would.
Steve nips where his teeth just were, playing with the feel of another expression of affection. There's just so many and so little time...
"I can't believe you didn't know I was sweet on you when we were teens. I look back on some of the things I did back then and feel like a Broadway sign was over my head."
He hadn't thought at the time he was being obvious but in hindsight it was incredible he wasn't arrested at fifteen. The way he'd curl into Bucky when an arm was thrown around his neck? How his eyes would lock on when he got up to spin a girl around the floor? The millions of sketchbooks filled with pieces of his profile and the frequent requests for Bucky to sit for practice on anatomy sketching? Yeah. The generous option here was that they were both just too worried about their own secret getting out to notice the other's. Less generous was that they were both morons which was probably closer to the truth.
"Guess the stupid got divided equally..."
no subject
Date: 2022-07-06 01:09 am (UTC)Of course, Steve’s gotta be a wise ass. He looks down along the sprawl of Bucky’s body like he’s gotta be sure, so Bucky knocks his knee into Steve’s thigh for that one. Like Steve’s actually gotta check! And just to make it easier for him, Bucky stretches out with a grin, eyebrow quirked upwards. He makes sure Steve gets a nice good look of a lean, muscled form shifting under him; and compared to when Steve first found him, at least he’s managed to fill out some.
Then Steve settles back right over him like he’s coming home. Under Bucky’s hands roaming along the span of Steve’s back, his body ripples a little from his touch, muscles shifting nicely under the stretch of the shirt across them as Bucky toys with the hem of his shirt; not quite tugging it free but teasing at it and the patch of skin that peeks out. Look, he’s gonna be a gentleman here (he’s not sure how far Steve’s gone, or how far he wants to go), but Bucky also can’t resist a good tease.
Just as he can’t rest turning to brush his lips along the corner of Steve’s mouth in a ghost of a kiss, before nuzzling at the dark hollow behind his ear.
“That’d make two of us then. I’d flirt with you and laugh it off like I was joshing around, but…” Bucky shakes his head, thinking back to that one drawing session where when Steve turned around, Bucky had slung himself across the couch, fresh from the shower, hair damp and shirt hanging open. You know, so Steve’d have some variety to draw and ‘cause Bucky didn’t want to sit in a pose for hours sweaty.
That’s what Bucky told himself, but looking back, he’d been playing with fire. Maybe enjoyed the way Steve had frozen for a second when he’d looked up once he got his supplies ready. Bucky looks away, face burning a little as he admits muffled against Steve’s hair; “I guess part of me wanted to push my luck. See if I’d get you to really look at me.”
no subject
Date: 2022-07-08 03:06 am (UTC)More so Bucky, sure. But Steve wasn't just gonna let him take all the credit.
"I can't imagine if we'd figured it out back in Brooklyn. Walls were so thin I could hear our neighbors' blinks. Could you imagine us both tryin' to keep a lid on it every night? I'd give you maybe a month before you played Sinatra at top volume and hoped that drowned everything out."
It is a nice dream, honestly. Steve thinks about what that might have been like. Bucky would be sending him looks all through dinner. The tension in the apartment would be like waiting for a pitch when all the bases were loaded. Night would fall and the record would fill their room with sweet songs. Sweet songs that gradually got louder and louder as enough was enough and Bucky pressed him into the couch or the floor and kissed them both breathless. Timing gasps and moans to crescendos. Whispering words that were only meant for each other, barely audible but clear in meaning all the same.
Steve wants it. He wants that more than he's wanted anything since he enlisted.
"After all this is over... You and me. We're gonna have more money than we've seen in awhile. We can get a better place. Somewhere that don't have creaking floors or busybodies next door. Where we can just be you and me."
Steve pauses and pulls back again so he can look at Bucky's face. They've talked feelings and all but he's just made an assumption about whether this comes home with them or not. For all he knows, Bucky is gonna lose this nerve when his ma and sisters could walk in the door and catch them in an embrace. Steve wouldn't blame him for it at all. Part of him goes cold imagining his ma doing the same.
"If you wanted, I mean. I'm... You know I ain't gonna ask more from you than wanna give. I never thought I'd even have this, Buck."
no subject
Date: 2022-07-09 04:12 am (UTC)But something soft, wistful, settles on Bucky’s face. If he’d been braver, he could have been exploring Steve before the war. “We’d have landed in hot water quick. I don’t know about you, but - “ Bucky’s gaze slides back up to Steve’s eyes, his grin wicked. “- I know I can’t keep it down.”
Just something to leave stuck in Steve’s head the rest of the week.
He trails his touch along his shoulder, imagining it bonier, narrow. Steve would be light and slender, but you’d better prepare yourself for a living hell if you figured him delicate or busted. Maybe his hands would have some charcoal dusting along the fingertips and knuckles; just enough to leave smears on their skin while they had Sinatra floating in the night and no real hurry to hop to anything.
It’s when Steve mentions after the War that something falters in Bucky’s face; it’s quick as a blink, a moment’s uncertainty, sadness, uneasiness all flickering across Bucky’s face before he covers it up. He’s not supposed to make it through the war.
Bucky’s also never gonna put that on Steve. Instead, he squeezes his shoulder and grins broadly up at Bucky. “Of course I want to. Just gotta play it smart, I don’t want to give my folks a heart attack. But we’ll find a nice place, thick walls, maybe a nice view of the ocean or something. Hell, I bet I can afford to take you to the Ritz at least once in my lifetime. It’ll be our first real date.”
Literally forgot I didn't reply and then went to the thread to see if I'd missed yours.
Date: 2022-07-14 02:57 am (UTC)Not here. Not here where the place was crawling with soldiers and people already were looking at Bucky with a closer eye thanks to his episode in the bar. He could imagine one wrong noise coming out of either of them and Bucky on a boat back to New York, him alone and chastised in Europe. It wasn't fair, really. The other men were taking the local ladies out and to locked rooms just like this. It wasn't anyone's business what happened behind those doors. And yet they both knew acutely that it was.
Maybe it was for the best. Bucky had just come out of what looked like a brief coma. Sex probably was a bad idea after that just in general.
"The Ritz? You really think you'd be able to show me that good a time?" Steve tilts his head and grins up at Bucky with a megawatt smile. He's teasing; both of them probably will come out of this with more money than they've seen in their entire lives. The Ritz might be able to be a weekend getaway with the Captain America bonuses.
"I feel like I'd lay down on those nice sheets and someone'd come in and shoo us both out so we didn't muck 'em up. Middle of the night I still wouldn't believe they let two slobs like us in. Without having to come in through the kitchen? Hard to imagine..."
no subject
Date: 2022-07-16 03:32 am (UTC)There’s gotta be something on the horizon: come on, they found him sauced out or something and had to drag Steve from a meeting. It’s not even like Bucky knows what the hell happened, or how he came back to his own time. Only that they’re gonna have to deal with whatever comes from that. Just…maybe not tonight.
Bucky’s aims a look as pleased as the cat that caught the canary at the ceiling when Steve goes still against him. It’s all in that little shiver as Steve imagines what Bucky’s throwing out there. And frankly, he’s not quiet unless he’s trying really, really hard. But now you know, pal. Bucky doesn’t stop petting through Steve’s hair, even as he aims a smug grin down at him.
“I know I could, as long as you clean up nice,” Bucky says with a wink. Like Steve doesn’t look like a dish already.
Bucky squirms under him, gets nice and comfortable and curls an arm under his own head like a pillow, stretching his legs out so he can make some more room for Steve. “We can roll in fresh duds, you bat your pretty blues at everyone and I’ll turn up the charm if I gotta. But I don’t know, sneaking through the kitchen and grabbing a room someone hasn’t snagged for the night…It’s got potential. We’d have to be out quick, but I bet we’d leave it a whirlwind.”
no subject
Date: 2022-07-18 02:01 am (UTC)Steve's eyes go dark as he imagines the two of them sneaking in and out of the Ritz. They'd never even dared such a risk before. If they'd been caught before they would have need to sell everything they owned to just pay half the bill. But now when there is no real danger, the idea seems right up their alley. Steve shifts up Bucky's body and lowers his voice as he speaks close enough to have their lips touching.
"I like the idea of that. Those fat cats would have never allowed us to even get in the lobby before. Why should they get our money now? You and I have been sneaky enough out here. We could sneak our way in with the staff. Get a nice suite, if we're gonna be goin' through the effort. Those are more secluded anyway." His grin widens, devilish.
"We can see how long it takes for a noise complaint."
Yeah. That new fact of Bucky's is gonna burn a hole in his imagination until he's able to explore it more. For the moment though, Steve satisfies himself with a hard kiss and a roaming hand skirting back up Bucky's side, against the skin. When he pulls back it's hardly even far enough to stop sharing air.
"Whirlwind. Yeah. I think you're the man with the plan this time..."
no subject
Date: 2022-07-19 03:41 am (UTC)Bucky loops his arms right along Steve’s lower back like they’re slow dancing, Bucky’s fingers just teasing at the rise of Steve’s ass as he smiles up at Steve softer than he has in ages. Maybe they could even sneak in a little dancing somewhere else where the floorboards don’t creak. Steve’s gotta be more graceful after the serum, so maybe Bucky’s toes got a chance this time.
“The one with the best view of the city, of course. Penthouse even if we can score it,” Bucky whispers into the kiss, arching up under Steve as a broad hand skates up along his side, grinding more than he should up against Steve in a little tease of pleasure; not enough where Bucky’s gotta get worried about springing something on Steve, but enough to enjoy a good tease. “Maybe it’ll have thick walls for ritzy people who like their privacy. Think what we could’ve done with walls thicker than tissue.”
And if either of them had bit the bullet and said something earlier. Bucky hooks his thumbs in Steve’s belt, pulling him close and letting him feel the dig of leather into his lower back while Bucky satisfies himself (like he’s ever really gonna get tired - never!) with the taste of Steve’s mouth, the softness to his lips.
“Maybe I’d scope a bunch of places just as fancy out. We could break into them, have a room at every swanky place in town. Maybe even all the way from Brooklyn to Los Angeles.”
Sap.
Date: 2022-07-24 06:24 pm (UTC)"Maybe," he says with a voice a bit more husky than it had been before. "We are thinking too much about this all. Nice rooms, sure, but the view is gonna be wasted when we are just taking in the sights from our bed."
He's not used to innuendo, really, and his cheeks go pink with the insinuation he made. Something tells him it will get easier with time and how often he is likely going to be doing it. Just a smirk and a look from Bucky has always been enough to get his blood pumping faster. Now when he knows the shape of his lips and the feel of his body beneath him it will be far harder to not want to indulge.
Thank God they already share a tent most of the time. No one should ask any questions about it then when they retreat for the night together and close the flaps up as tight as possible. Some privacy even in this Hell so he can hold Bucky close and promise all the things they'll do when back on American soil. That thought alone almost takes some of the weariness from Steve's bones.
"Ya know," he says softly, "Actually, I don't even care where we are. So long as I got my best guy beside me, It'll be the best place in the whole country."
no subject
Date: 2022-07-27 02:12 am (UTC)“Geez, Steve, and here everyone thinks you’re America’s Golden Boy,” Bucky’s eyes go darker, hungrier, cock giving a little lurch against his underwear. And because he can’t help himself, Bucky rocks upwards, gives himself one last grind up against Steve’s length hidden away in his uniform with a ragged gasp. “Keep talking like that and I’m gonna be in trouble.”
Just one more. You know. He’s good for now, really. It doesn’t stop Bucky, of course, from letting his hands roam along the rise of strong muscles and the narrow dip of Steve’s waist: Steve cuts such a sharp number in any uniform that it makes Bucky badly want to tear it off him and touch. Especially when Steve’s bringing up all easy-like how they’re not even gonna care about the room with all the fucking they’d be doing.
And now Bucky knows just how far the serum can go.
Pillowing his head with an arm curled underneath, Bucky tilts his face to look up at Steve over him, a soft look settling in the grey eyes that meet Steve’s. That’s gotta be the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to him. Steve means every single word.
Gently, Bucky grazes his knuckles along Steve’s jaw, ending in a caress that traces along his pulse down to his collarbones. “Yeah. I mean I was happy living in that shoebox of an apartment. Even when the draft kicked in or when we wouldn’t get more than a minute of hot water. Didn’t matter as long as it was with you.”