[Bucky grins a little at the way Steve is practically doting on him, but it seems like after today, it's something he needs. So he lets him look and touch, and sneaks an arm under and around Steve in the meantime to rest against his lower back, slipping the other behind his own head again to prop it up, too.
He definitely remembers that birthday - it's clear from the look on his face. And yeah, he could've been anywhere, but he hadn't wanted to be anywhere but where he was - next to Steve.
Still, his eyebrows rise a little, at the confession. He'd had no idea... and he couldn't say he was thinking the same thing, necessarily, but,] That's how it is, [he confirms.] How it was - on the planet. When I wanted to - kiss you, [he says, lips curling into a soft smile.] You've been my brother for a long time. I never thought about wanting more, 'cause - you know we woulda gotten beaten or worse, if it'd ever even crossed our minds.
[He'd talked to Jim a little about this, during the wedding.] Maybe it's good it never really did, you know? Not until - well. Now. This.
[But Bucky is right. Queers were as good as dead in some places they grew up. Bars were raided and men pulled out to be arrested or set upon by furious on-lookers. Steve might have been reckless but he would never have signed his best friend up for a life of fear like that. Not when he so clearly could find a girl who would give him a safe, 'normal' life. He would have never been so selfish.
But now he is. Steve kisses the corner of Bucky's mouth, just because he can. His fingertips trail up and down the bicep Bucky's leaning his head on. It's such a luxury to touch someone like this. Such a pleasure to have a quiet moment where he can just be with someone who feels like.half of his very soul.]
I am sort of glad this happened here. No press to demand answers. No battles to fight. It's almost like being normal again, I guess. Except I need to pick a date for us that doesn't involve gel food.
[Steve relaxes back down, eyes unfocused.]
I can't approve of the Atroma kidnapping us. I just can't. But...the fact that they gave me this? Gave me you?
Yeah, that was the problem, [Bucky teases gently, though he means
it, too. Steve being afraid has never been the problem. It's always the
fact that he's not, and flings himself into trouble, that's more of a
concern. And Bucky can pretty easily imagine a queer Steve, now that
they're lying here like this, and he would have been both fearless and
unapologetic. Completely Steve... and completely stupid.
And if Bucky had realized any of this? He would've gone along with
it. He knows it - maybe he would have resisted at first, but Steve is a
force of nature, and that's why Bucky's always felt the way he has
about him. No - it's better that they never thought about this, that it's
only now a possibility as well as an option. Sometimes lost time is simply
worth the wait.
Besides - Steve's right.] God, [Bucky groans, rolling
his eyes.] The press. Fuck. That would've been worse than
any of this, they've got no fucking sense of decency or privacy -
[Which, yeah, okay. They're on fucking reality TV right now. But
it's different, somehow. They can't help it, or fight it. Not right now.
And maybe because it's so noninvasive, it's easier to ignore. That doesn't
make it better. Just - yeah. Easier to ignore.]
The Atroma're gonna get what they've got comin' to them, one of these days,
[Bucky murmurs softly, trailing fingers up and down Steve's spine,
wanting the other to feel as good as he does right now, wanting to remind
him that they're both here now, and that's what matters.] But not
until we figure out how to work the rules.
[Because he doesn't know what's going to happen, if - when - they're
faced with going home to separate worlds, someday. But he doesn't want to
think about it, either, so for once he takes a page fro Steve's book, and
lets it be in the hazy, distant future, to worry about later. A problem for
future Bucky, as the kids say. And in the meantime...]
Y'know, I could get used to somebody else planning the dates, [Bucky
chuckles, hopefully bringing things back to something more pleasant to talk
about.] But honestly, Rogers, if you've gotta feed me gel... at
least it'd come with one hell of a view.
[Outer space is pretty freaking cool, despite everything,
okay?] You think we should go dancing after? Or just punch each
other in the gym?
And here I thought you were talkin' about me being the incredible view.
[His voice is humming, relaxed and sated with the small touches to his back. He's had a rough day but being here with Bucky almost makes it all worthwhile. It reminds him of the times he was sick in bed with Bucky sitting next to him, reading or just talking. Or all the times he'd stumble in from work and collapse half on top of his friend in bed, just wanting to settle into the warmth and sleep. But this? It was better than all of that.
Steve traces words along Bucky's arm. 'Jerk', 'stupid', 'darling', 'baby doll'. His eyes stay shut as he hums in thought. Their legs are tangled up and Steve could spend the rest of his life in this bed.]
I dunno if I wanna fight you again. You play dirty. [He hums again.]
It could be fun, though. Maybe I could play a little dirtier now, too. Distract you a little. I have a whole new box of tools at my disposal; time for me to see what I can do with them all.
And then after...yeah. Come back here to some old songs? Might not be private but it's as good as we'll get.
Not on your life, [Bucky says - although then he gives Steve a good once-over, like a guy leering at a pinup poster, all exaggerated for effect and everything.
If he's honest... and hell, he guess he kind of has to be - Steve's not bad-looking. Never was, really, even if the inner fire had made up a lot of it, before, bleeding out the edges. Now... well. Bucky hadn't needed to consider doing what they're doing right now to see that Steve was pretty much the epitome of beauty. He coulda told anyone that, straight out of Azzano.
It's just... now he can admit it to himself, out loud, and enjoy it, and everything. Even if he's not about to admit it to Steve, who's already got a fat head.
He does settle a little, cocking one eyebrow at the way Steve is spelling out words on his arm. But it's sweet, and it's nice, and he definitely doesn't move to stop him; if anything, he brushes his fingertips just over the waist of Steve's shorts, not trying for anything more, but just... letting Steve know that yeah. Fine. He's a good view, too.]
'Course I play dirty, [he says.] I grew up in Brooklyn, weren't you paying attention? Honestly, fighting dirty's the best part of the job. No one ever expects it. [So maybe Bucky does enjoy, just a little, the looks on their faces when Captain America fights as dirty as dirty gets.]
Oh? What kinda tools are you thinking you can possibly use against me? I mean - don't get me wrong. Maybe I'd like to see you try.
[Although his expression softens as Steve goes on, because,] Yeah. I know it's as good as we'll get. I'll take it. I mean. [He huffs.] I guess you are the best thing to look at in this room, anyway. And I've gotta make sure you remember what I taught you, at the wedding. Maybe my feet'll survive unscathed, this time.
[What tools can he use against him? Oh. Pal. He has plenty of ideas. Steve flattens his hand on Bucky's stomach and trails it lightly up and down. Almost like petting. Always stopping before going too low or coming up past his heart. His eyes are dark as they look at Bucky but it's playful as much as it is heated. Steve leans up and brushes his lips against Bucky's, smiling.
And then settling back down.]
I think I have a few tools in my arsenal against you. I grew up in Brooklyn too. I may not have fought dirty for awhile, but I remember how it goes.
[Well, there is admittedly more to him to use than there used to be.
That touch is new... but weirdly, even though the look on his face sort of is, it also sort of isn't. Funny how on Steve, heat looks an awful lot like daring.
Well. Either that, or Bucky's been misreading a lot for a really long time. And maybe Steve didn't even realize it either. Who the fuck knows. It doesn't seem important now -
Although Bucky lets out a soft laugh and chases Steve's lips, nipping at the bottom one before settling back in place, too.] I'll believe that when I see it. Until then? I choose to believe you're bluffing.
[And Bucky, who may or may not also have a look that's both heated and daring, definitely curls his fingers into Steve's waistband, even if he doesn't tug at all.] We should go to sleep.
[Whether or not he actually means that is maybe up for debate.]
[Steve looks down at Bucky's hand and exhales slowly. He wants to. He really does. But there just isn't enough in him right now that will let him give into the moment. Besides, Steve hasn't really broached the whole 'virgin' topic with his lover yet. And the night where he's been thrown for this hard of a loop doesn't seem like the right time.
Still, he meets that heat with his own and kisses Bucky in a way that promises more. Perhaps that's unfair, but Steve is only human. And he wants Bucky. Just. Not tonight.]
We should sleep. [His agreement is pointed and apologetic even as he makes it mere breaths away from Bucky's lips.]
I need to figure out what to do with Winter. But first I really just need to... Be here. With you. [He settles down, his head against Bucky's chest.]
Maybe kiss you a little more. That seems to help a whole lot.
[Steve hasn't broached anything, but Bucky knows Steve. And truthfully, he's not disappointed in the least when Steve settles down a little and says they should sleep - honestly, after what Steve's been through? They should. It seems like - for once - Steve Rogers might actually be choosing the smarter path, and far be it for Bucky Barnes to stop him from doing it.]
We can talk about it tomorrow, [he says softly, sliding his hand back up and slinging his arm around Steve, chuckling softly.] He's not going anywhere, and neither am I. So whatever you need, Stevie.
[He nudges his nose into Steve's hairline, smiling, sort of letting himself believe he can do this, it's okay, it's what they both want.] Not exactly putting me out. You're even gettin' a little better at kissing, by now.
[Steve laughs a little, feeling Bucky nose along in his hair. He shifts and presses his lips against Bucky's before turning around and settling back into the bed. The lack of space is perfect, now. Gives him an excuse to shift closer against his friend.]
Shaddup. You coulda given me lessons back in the day. Just like dancing.
[He can't even fathom what he would have done had Bucky suggested it. The idea of what his face would have looked like makes him laugh again.]
I guess you can help tutor me, now. If you got the time.
Guess I really missed my chance, then, [Bucky hums, but - yeah. He
would never have suggested it. He... might have offered to give Steve
advice on how to compliment a girl, how to get her in the right mood, if it
had ever come up. But a demonstration? No, it never would have crossed his
mind.
Of course, Steve's little challenge makes him laugh, too.] I
guess it's probably worth my while. I can fit you in between public
speaking gigs and fighting aliens, huh?
[i.e., there really isn't a whole lot to do while drifting, so...
he's down with some lessons.] If you'll fit it into your busy
schedule. You've gotta practice this shit, or you'll get rusty.
[His best guy. Even saying it makes Steve feel warm inside. He closes his eyes, relaxed beyond words even after everything that's happened today. Because no matter what, he has Bucky. He has his Bucky back and in ways he never could have imagined possible.
Even with everything else, that makes this all worth it.
Steve smiles, linking their fingers together. And when he falls asleep moments later, he's still grinning.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-04-23 03:12 am (UTC)He definitely remembers that birthday - it's clear from the look on his face. And yeah, he could've been anywhere, but he hadn't wanted to be anywhere but where he was - next to Steve.
Still, his eyebrows rise a little, at the confession. He'd had no idea... and he couldn't say he was thinking the same thing, necessarily, but,] That's how it is, [he confirms.] How it was - on the planet. When I wanted to - kiss you, [he says, lips curling into a soft smile.] You've been my brother for a long time. I never thought about wanting more, 'cause - you know we woulda gotten beaten or worse, if it'd ever even crossed our minds.
[He'd talked to Jim a little about this, during the wedding.] Maybe it's good it never really did, you know? Not until - well. Now. This.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-23 01:29 pm (UTC)[But Bucky is right. Queers were as good as dead in some places they grew up. Bars were raided and men pulled out to be arrested or set upon by furious on-lookers. Steve might have been reckless but he would never have signed his best friend up for a life of fear like that. Not when he so clearly could find a girl who would give him a safe, 'normal' life. He would have never been so selfish.
But now he is. Steve kisses the corner of Bucky's mouth, just because he can. His fingertips trail up and down the bicep Bucky's leaning his head on. It's such a luxury to touch someone like this. Such a pleasure to have a quiet moment where he can just be with someone who feels like.half of his very soul.]
I am sort of glad this happened here. No press to demand answers. No battles to fight. It's almost like being normal again, I guess. Except I need to pick a date for us that doesn't involve gel food.
[Steve relaxes back down, eyes unfocused.]
I can't approve of the Atroma kidnapping us. I just can't. But...the fact that they gave me this? Gave me you?
I can't regret it.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-23 05:42 pm (UTC)Yeah, that was the problem, [Bucky teases gently, though he means it, too. Steve being afraid has never been the problem. It's always the fact that he's not, and flings himself into trouble, that's more of a concern. And Bucky can pretty easily imagine a queer Steve, now that they're lying here like this, and he would have been both fearless and unapologetic. Completely Steve... and completely stupid.
And if Bucky had realized any of this? He would've gone along with it. He knows it - maybe he would have resisted at first, but Steve is a force of nature, and that's why Bucky's always felt the way he has about him. No - it's better that they never thought about this, that it's only now a possibility as well as an option. Sometimes lost time is simply worth the wait.
Besides - Steve's right.] God, [Bucky groans, rolling his eyes.] The press. Fuck. That would've been worse than any of this, they've got no fucking sense of decency or privacy -
[Which, yeah, okay. They're on fucking reality TV right now. But it's different, somehow. They can't help it, or fight it. Not right now. And maybe because it's so noninvasive, it's easier to ignore. That doesn't make it better. Just - yeah. Easier to ignore.]
The Atroma're gonna get what they've got comin' to them, one of these days, [Bucky murmurs softly, trailing fingers up and down Steve's spine, wanting the other to feel as good as he does right now, wanting to remind him that they're both here now, and that's what matters.] But not until we figure out how to work the rules.
[Because he doesn't know what's going to happen, if - when - they're faced with going home to separate worlds, someday. But he doesn't want to think about it, either, so for once he takes a page fro Steve's book, and lets it be in the hazy, distant future, to worry about later. A problem for future Bucky, as the kids say. And in the meantime...]
Y'know, I could get used to somebody else planning the dates, [Bucky chuckles, hopefully bringing things back to something more pleasant to talk about.] But honestly, Rogers, if you've gotta feed me gel... at least it'd come with one hell of a view.
[Outer space is pretty freaking cool, despite everything, okay?] You think we should go dancing after? Or just punch each other in the gym?
no subject
Date: 2019-04-24 12:00 pm (UTC)[His voice is humming, relaxed and sated with the small touches to his back. He's had a rough day but being here with Bucky almost makes it all worthwhile. It reminds him of the times he was sick in bed with Bucky sitting next to him, reading or just talking. Or all the times he'd stumble in from work and collapse half on top of his friend in bed, just wanting to settle into the warmth and sleep. But this? It was better than all of that.
Steve traces words along Bucky's arm. 'Jerk', 'stupid', 'darling', 'baby doll'. His eyes stay shut as he hums in thought. Their legs are tangled up and Steve could spend the rest of his life in this bed.]
I dunno if I wanna fight you again. You play dirty. [He hums again.]
It could be fun, though. Maybe I could play a little dirtier now, too. Distract you a little. I have a whole new box of tools at my disposal; time for me to see what I can do with them all.
And then after...yeah. Come back here to some old songs? Might not be private but it's as good as we'll get.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-25 02:24 am (UTC)If he's honest... and hell, he guess he kind of has to be - Steve's not bad-looking. Never was, really, even if the inner fire had made up a lot of it, before, bleeding out the edges. Now... well. Bucky hadn't needed to consider doing what they're doing right now to see that Steve was pretty much the epitome of beauty. He coulda told anyone that, straight out of Azzano.
It's just... now he can admit it to himself, out loud, and enjoy it, and everything. Even if he's not about to admit it to Steve, who's already got a fat head.
He does settle a little, cocking one eyebrow at the way Steve is spelling out words on his arm. But it's sweet, and it's nice, and he definitely doesn't move to stop him; if anything, he brushes his fingertips just over the waist of Steve's shorts, not trying for anything more, but just... letting Steve know that yeah. Fine. He's a good view, too.]
'Course I play dirty, [he says.] I grew up in Brooklyn, weren't you paying attention? Honestly, fighting dirty's the best part of the job. No one ever expects it. [So maybe Bucky does enjoy, just a little, the looks on their faces when Captain America fights as dirty as dirty gets.]
Oh? What kinda tools are you thinking you can possibly use against me? I mean - don't get me wrong. Maybe I'd like to see you try.
[Although his expression softens as Steve goes on, because,] Yeah. I know it's as good as we'll get. I'll take it. I mean. [He huffs.] I guess you are the best thing to look at in this room, anyway. And I've gotta make sure you remember what I taught you, at the wedding. Maybe my feet'll survive unscathed, this time.
Short because Steve is a tease.
Date: 2019-04-25 11:04 pm (UTC)And then settling back down.]
I think I have a few tools in my arsenal against you. I grew up in Brooklyn too. I may not have fought dirty for awhile, but I remember how it goes.
punk
Date: 2019-04-30 02:35 am (UTC)That touch is new... but weirdly, even though the look on his face sort of is, it also sort of isn't. Funny how on Steve, heat looks an awful lot like daring.
Well. Either that, or Bucky's been misreading a lot for a really long time. And maybe Steve didn't even realize it either. Who the fuck knows. It doesn't seem important now -
Although Bucky lets out a soft laugh and chases Steve's lips, nipping at the bottom one before settling back in place, too.] I'll believe that when I see it. Until then? I choose to believe you're bluffing.
[And Bucky, who may or may not also have a look that's both heated and daring, definitely curls his fingers into Steve's waistband, even if he doesn't tug at all.] We should go to sleep.
[Whether or not he actually means that is maybe up for debate.]
no subject
Date: 2019-05-04 02:45 am (UTC)Still, he meets that heat with his own and kisses Bucky in a way that promises more. Perhaps that's unfair, but Steve is only human. And he wants Bucky. Just. Not tonight.]
We should sleep. [His agreement is pointed and apologetic even as he makes it mere breaths away from Bucky's lips.]
I need to figure out what to do with Winter. But first I really just need to... Be here. With you. [He settles down, his head against Bucky's chest.]
Maybe kiss you a little more. That seems to help a whole lot.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-04 06:24 pm (UTC)We can talk about it tomorrow, [he says softly, sliding his hand back up and slinging his arm around Steve, chuckling softly.] He's not going anywhere, and neither am I. So whatever you need, Stevie.
[He nudges his nose into Steve's hairline, smiling, sort of letting himself believe he can do this, it's okay, it's what they both want.] Not exactly putting me out. You're even gettin' a little better at kissing, by now.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-07 12:30 am (UTC)Shaddup. You coulda given me lessons back in the day. Just like dancing.
[He can't even fathom what he would have done had Bucky suggested it. The idea of what his face would have looked like makes him laugh again.]
I guess you can help tutor me, now. If you got the time.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-07 02:04 pm (UTC)Guess I really missed my chance, then, [Bucky hums, but - yeah. He would never have suggested it. He... might have offered to give Steve advice on how to compliment a girl, how to get her in the right mood, if it had ever come up. But a demonstration? No, it never would have crossed his mind.
Of course, Steve's little challenge makes him laugh, too.] I guess it's probably worth my while. I can fit you in between public speaking gigs and fighting aliens, huh?
[i.e., there really isn't a whole lot to do while drifting, so... he's down with some lessons.] If you'll fit it into your busy schedule. You've gotta practice this shit, or you'll get rusty.
Wrap!
Date: 2019-05-13 02:18 pm (UTC)[His best guy. Even saying it makes Steve feel warm inside. He closes his eyes, relaxed beyond words even after everything that's happened today. Because no matter what, he has Bucky. He has his Bucky back and in ways he never could have imagined possible.
Even with everything else, that makes this all worth it.
Steve smiles, linking their fingers together. And when he falls asleep moments later, he's still grinning.]