Bucky first goes a little cold when Steve mentions the serum. Because - yeah. Yeah, he knows. If he's being honest, he'd known since the first night Steve had rescued him from that factory - since before, really, when he'd been drifting in and out of consciousness and wished he were hallucinating what was happening to him, the tests, the results, and yet knowing all of it had been real. He knew the entire rest of the goddamned war, even if he'd been able to keep it to himself all the way up until they'd dug him out of a chunk of ice to find his heart still beating and wondered why. Wondered how. And gone digging.
So yeah. He knows. And so does SHIELD, and he knows it's going to get out eventually. He's been Captain America again. People are going to figure it out. There's already been enough speculation, on websites and news shows because people can watch the footage over and over again and see that he can do more than he should. It wasn't a freak accident that he never died. It was shoddy, secondhand version of the serum that gave Steve everything, and then took it all away.
And now - now Steve is absolutely right. Bucky's brain skips right over the fact that there's another him here - that this Steve still has his best friend, and he's here, and suddenly Bucky feels lie a sham, like an impostor, like a kid desperate to replace the best friend that just moved away with someone else - and it takes the rest of what Steve said and he feels suddenly sick. So sick that his face goes pale, his hand rising to cover his mouth like he might make like Steve and throw up whatever the hell he last ate, because -
Because if this Steve's Bucky could have survived with that shoddy, secondhand serum (and Bucky survived the crash with it, and now he knows Steve could have, too). If that had happened, then how the hell would a fall like that have killed his Steve Rogers.
Fuck. Fuck. He really feels like he's gonna be sick.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-02-04 12:24 am (UTC)So yeah. He knows. And so does SHIELD, and he knows it's going to get out eventually. He's been Captain America again. People are going to figure it out. There's already been enough speculation, on websites and news shows because people can watch the footage over and over again and see that he can do more than he should. It wasn't a freak accident that he never died. It was shoddy, secondhand version of the serum that gave Steve everything, and then took it all away.
And now - now Steve is absolutely right. Bucky's brain skips right over the fact that there's another him here - that this Steve still has his best friend, and he's here, and suddenly Bucky feels lie a sham, like an impostor, like a kid desperate to replace the best friend that just moved away with someone else - and it takes the rest of what Steve said and he feels suddenly sick. So sick that his face goes pale, his hand rising to cover his mouth like he might make like Steve and throw up whatever the hell he last ate, because -
Because if this Steve's Bucky could have survived with that shoddy, secondhand serum (and Bucky survived the crash with it, and now he knows Steve could have, too). If that had happened, then how the hell would a fall like that have killed his Steve Rogers.
Fuck. Fuck. He really feels like he's gonna be sick.