It's like looking in the mirror, only... a weird, wrong funhouse mirror, one that shows you exactly what you want to see and don't want to see at the same time. The number of times Bucky had wished it had been him, because he was just a soldier - well. Because they'd thought he'd been just a soldier at the time, because he'd ignored and buried all the signs that maybe he wasn't, and because Steve was just - Steve was everything. Steve was the good guy, Steve was Captain America for a reason. Bucky knows he's not the right guy for the job. He's just the one they'd conveniently picked, and now he's stuck with it. Which is okay, really, because what else does he have? What else could he have, but a slew of dead or dying friends and the memories of a guy he can never quite live up to?
He grabs at Steve to haul him in for a hug, partly because that's just what he needs to do, because Steve needs it, and maybe even because Bucky needs it. And partly so Steve won't see all that in his face, because it's hard to stay so stoic when... this is so messed up.
"I'm as real as I ever was. If you are," he says, quietly. Only a little strangled.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2019-01-31 09:56 pm (UTC)It's like looking in the mirror, only... a weird, wrong funhouse mirror, one that shows you exactly what you want to see and don't want to see at the same time. The number of times Bucky had wished it had been him, because he was just a soldier - well. Because they'd thought he'd been just a soldier at the time, because he'd ignored and buried all the signs that maybe he wasn't, and because Steve was just - Steve was everything. Steve was the good guy, Steve was Captain America for a reason. Bucky knows he's not the right guy for the job. He's just the one they'd conveniently picked, and now he's stuck with it. Which is okay, really, because what else does he have? What else could he have, but a slew of dead or dying friends and the memories of a guy he can never quite live up to?
He grabs at Steve to haul him in for a hug, partly because that's just what he needs to do, because Steve needs it, and maybe even because Bucky needs it. And partly so Steve won't see all that in his face, because it's hard to stay so stoic when... this is so messed up.
"I'm as real as I ever was. If you are," he says, quietly. Only a little strangled.