The way Steve's face just falls before he even opens his mouth to
say a word already has Bucky concerned. Steve's shit at hiding, things,
triply shit at hiding them from Bucky, and whatever he's gonna say... it
isn't gonna be good.
And the first thing out of his mouth - the disclaimer that things
might be different for his Steve? Yeah, not reassuring at all, buddy.
And then it just gets worse. Bucky blinks, trying to parse the words
Steve's speaking, trying to get the meaning from such simple phrases.
Doesn't remember him. HYDRA found him. Messed with his mind and used him
for missions. "What the fuck?" he whispers, almost like he doesn't actually
realize he's saying it out loud. He kind of doesn't. Because what. The
fuck. Fucking HYDRA. Of course.
The thought makes him go cold, like being frozen all over again. The
thought of going through it all again - the torture, the tests, only
worse, and neverending... Bucky's not like Steve. He has a healthy goddamn
fear of things that are terrifying. And that thought is fucking
terrifying.
And then his brain ticks over to the fact that... yeah. All of that might
have happened to Steve. His Steve. If he hadn't died, all of this could
have happened to him, and... wow, how about Bucky just never eats ever
again. That seems like a good solution, because otherwise how is he ever
supposed to keep anything down, knowing that. Knowing -
Steve's attempt a a laugh is maybe what snaps him out of it. Bucky's heard
that laugh before, and you are fooling exactly no one, Rogers. The light
comes back to his eyes, and he watches Steve carefully, before saying,
maybe predictably, "Please tell me it was you."
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-02-05 04:01 pm (UTC)The way Steve's face just falls before he even opens his mouth to say a word already has Bucky concerned. Steve's shit at hiding, things, triply shit at hiding them from Bucky, and whatever he's gonna say... it isn't gonna be good.
And the first thing out of his mouth - the disclaimer that things might be different for his Steve? Yeah, not reassuring at all, buddy.
And then it just gets worse. Bucky blinks, trying to parse the words Steve's speaking, trying to get the meaning from such simple phrases. Doesn't remember him. HYDRA found him. Messed with his mind and used him for missions. "What the fuck?" he whispers, almost like he doesn't actually realize he's saying it out loud. He kind of doesn't. Because what. The fuck. Fucking HYDRA. Of course.
The thought makes him go cold, like being frozen all over again. The thought of going through it all again - the torture, the tests, only worse, and neverending... Bucky's not like Steve. He has a healthy goddamn fear of things that are terrifying. And that thought is fucking terrifying.
And then his brain ticks over to the fact that... yeah. All of that might have happened to Steve. His Steve. If he hadn't died, all of this could have happened to him, and... wow, how about Bucky just never eats ever again. That seems like a good solution, because otherwise how is he ever supposed to keep anything down, knowing that. Knowing -
Steve's attempt a a laugh is maybe what snaps him out of it. Bucky's heard that laugh before, and you are fooling exactly no one, Rogers. The light comes back to his eyes, and he watches Steve carefully, before saying, maybe predictably, "Please tell me it was you."