"That's different," he says instantly even though it's so weirdly and profoundly not that Steve can almost taste his own bullshit as it spills out of his mouth. Not that it stops him. "I was Captain. I chose you to be on that train with me. And I chose you because...you were my friend and I liked fighting next to you. You were there because of me. And you fell because I wasn't fast enough."
And then he'd lived. Steve's, grip tightens around these things Bucky can't know yet. His blood boils and freezes with it in equal measure.
"We didn't even look for you. We just assumed. And then you were back and everything that happened to you was because of the choices I made. So yeah. Yeah, I blamed myself. But it was different."
Peggy had told Steve to allow Bucky his choice. But it had never felt like a choice. He and Bucky were just magnets and where one went the other was pulled. Where was the choice in that?
Steve exhales shakily and pushes their foreheads together.
"I know what you're feeling. But I swear, I don't--wouldn't-- blame you..."
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2019-02-04 05:05 pm (UTC)And then he'd lived. Steve's, grip tightens around these things Bucky can't know yet. His blood boils and freezes with it in equal measure.
"We didn't even look for you. We just assumed. And then you were back and everything that happened to you was because of the choices I made. So yeah. Yeah, I blamed myself. But it was different."
Peggy had told Steve to allow Bucky his choice. But it had never felt like a choice. He and Bucky were just magnets and where one went the other was pulled. Where was the choice in that?
Steve exhales shakily and pushes their foreheads together.
"I know what you're feeling. But I swear, I don't--wouldn't-- blame you..."