Bucky's sudden inhale takes half the air out of Steve's lungs with it. He can imagine, for a second, the sound in another context but with his hands still against the other's skin. Steve hates himself for the sudden and vivid fantasy. The atmosphere in the room and the weight of some unspoken pressure here just brought it up without him even aware it was coming. It's an effort to dismiss it, especially with how tense Bucky is and how he speaks so soft. How that hand goes around his arm and the heat from it might as well be a brand.
Jesus. He needs to get a hold on himself. Bucky had been comatose just minutes ago. This was inappropriate at the best of times. Right now it's inexcusable.
'I've been doing some thinking...,' Bucky says. Steve flinches in the second it takes from that sentence to the next. Nothing good usually came after those words, he'd heard from others. But then Bucky is talking about the War and isn't that a strange thing to find war a less dangerous topic than anything else? Bucky goes on, talking about the Mission. Steve frowns but that's all that moves so Bucky's hand doesn't dislodge and he doesn't draw attention to his own which are still planted.
"I...uh," he says a few seconds before he actually knows what he's thinking. This is feeling like it's the mission and only the mission? Well...
"I mean...yeah? Yes?" Confusion is plain on his face, like Bucky had asked if the Dodgers were better than the Yankees. "What else would there be if not the Mission, Buck? We're at war and it's not like I thought the serum came with a vacation..."
Even now he knows bone-deep how complete that trade off was, too. Either way, walking into that chamber he knew he was going to be giving up his life; either he died and lost it that way or he didn't and it no longer belonged to him. But it makes sense that Bucky might question that truth. He never made that sacrifice. His life was leased to the army, not sold.
It made sense that he'd be thinking about what comes next. What exists beyond the blood and dirt. Bucky still has those options open.
He shifts back and shrugs. "But... I mean, yeah. I can see where you might be gettin' restless. Need a break or something..."
Steve's stomach falls into his feet, terror like ice down his spine as he thinks he knows where this is going.
"Is...uh. Is that what you need? Some time off? 'Cause I can ask and see if they can't camp you up somewhere to rest up. Lord knows you and the guys all deserve it..."
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2022-06-09 12:11 am (UTC)Jesus. He needs to get a hold on himself. Bucky had been comatose just minutes ago. This was inappropriate at the best of times. Right now it's inexcusable.
'I've been doing some thinking...,' Bucky says. Steve flinches in the second it takes from that sentence to the next. Nothing good usually came after those words, he'd heard from others. But then Bucky is talking about the War and isn't that a strange thing to find war a less dangerous topic than anything else? Bucky goes on, talking about the Mission. Steve frowns but that's all that moves so Bucky's hand doesn't dislodge and he doesn't draw attention to his own which are still planted.
"I...uh," he says a few seconds before he actually knows what he's thinking. This is feeling like it's the mission and only the mission? Well...
"I mean...yeah? Yes?" Confusion is plain on his face, like Bucky had asked if the Dodgers were better than the Yankees. "What else would there be if not the Mission, Buck? We're at war and it's not like I thought the serum came with a vacation..."
Even now he knows bone-deep how complete that trade off was, too. Either way, walking into that chamber he knew he was going to be giving up his life; either he died and lost it that way or he didn't and it no longer belonged to him. But it makes sense that Bucky might question that truth. He never made that sacrifice. His life was leased to the army, not sold.
It made sense that he'd be thinking about what comes next. What exists beyond the blood and dirt. Bucky still has those options open.
He shifts back and shrugs. "But... I mean, yeah. I can see where you might be gettin' restless. Need a break or something..."
Steve's stomach falls into his feet, terror like ice down his spine as he thinks he knows where this is going.
"Is...uh. Is that what you need? Some time off? 'Cause I can ask and see if they can't camp you up somewhere to rest up. Lord knows you and the guys all deserve it..."