Bucky moves toward him and Steve immediately thinks about how water recedes before a tsunami. Nature, like a punch, pulls back first. It coils before the strike. And that's how he feels, pressed against the counter as his friend reads the pain on his face and responds as he always does. Did. Does.
Fuck.
His hands reach out and rest on Bucky's waist as though magnets drew them there. He's not sure if he wants to use that grip to pull Bucky closer or maintain the space they have. Pushing him away is not an option he even considers for a second. He can't with how good it feels to have him here, warm and alive. Steve hadn't even realized he'd been cold until the heat of Bucky's skin bleeds through his shirt and against Steve's palms. Another thawing out to add to the list.
Steve rubs his thumbs in circles against Bucky's shirt and doesn't think about whatever boundaries that might cross.
"No one else noticed," he confirms even though the idea of continuing this conversation makes him want to just curl up in bed for the rest of the week. "And, yeah. You didn't come out looking all that different because you weren't 5'3'' and under a hundred pounds. But. Yeah. They..."
Steve pauses as he realizes the significance of it all. This is just the first time for Bucky. It was just the first time that HYDRA took his body away from him and did what they liked to it. Steve could remember him back then shrugging it off and moving on as though it hadn't mattered, but it had. He knew it had then and he knows it now too. And it was just the first time. Bucky has no idea that it will become the theme for the next few decades of his life.
The body in his hands suddenly feels precious with that understanding behind it. Unknowingly on borrowed time with its autonomy, Steve feels wrong even holding it still. His grip loosens but stays where it is. He's weak, it seems. Selfish. Even knowing better, he can't stop the need for contact. Bucky isn't the only one likely on borrowed time.
"You got a version of the serum," he continues. "Not the same one but the same effect. It doesn't... It won't hurt you any, if you're worried about that." Unless Bucky considers his living past the fall from the train a type of 'hurt'. It's debatable. "Just means you can keep up with me, still..."
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Fuck.
His hands reach out and rest on Bucky's waist as though magnets drew them there. He's not sure if he wants to use that grip to pull Bucky closer or maintain the space they have. Pushing him away is not an option he even considers for a second. He can't with how good it feels to have him here, warm and alive. Steve hadn't even realized he'd been cold until the heat of Bucky's skin bleeds through his shirt and against Steve's palms. Another thawing out to add to the list.
Steve rubs his thumbs in circles against Bucky's shirt and doesn't think about whatever boundaries that might cross.
"No one else noticed," he confirms even though the idea of continuing this conversation makes him want to just curl up in bed for the rest of the week. "And, yeah. You didn't come out looking all that different because you weren't 5'3'' and under a hundred pounds. But. Yeah. They..."
Steve pauses as he realizes the significance of it all. This is just the first time for Bucky. It was just the first time that HYDRA took his body away from him and did what they liked to it. Steve could remember him back then shrugging it off and moving on as though it hadn't mattered, but it had. He knew it had then and he knows it now too. And it was just the first time. Bucky has no idea that it will become the theme for the next few decades of his life.
The body in his hands suddenly feels precious with that understanding behind it. Unknowingly on borrowed time with its autonomy, Steve feels wrong even holding it still. His grip loosens but stays where it is. He's weak, it seems. Selfish. Even knowing better, he can't stop the need for contact. Bucky isn't the only one likely on borrowed time.
"You got a version of the serum," he continues. "Not the same one but the same effect. It doesn't... It won't hurt you any, if you're worried about that." Unless Bucky considers his living past the fall from the train a type of 'hurt'. It's debatable. "Just means you can keep up with me, still..."