“Thank god you guys make it out. At least it’s- it’s worth it”, Bucky tells himself, even though it’s hard to buy the whole thing; look, those fellas are his brothers, and it looks like the Krauts don’t make it to US soil. But there’s also no helping that animal panic simmering under the surface as it threatens to rear its ugly head. How the hell can anybody manage knowing they already got a bullet or grenade’s with his name on it? That right now he’s maybe put it on hold, but how long does it last before he goes back?
Focus on my family. On Steve. It’s hard to feel the same rah-rah when Uncle Sam left you out in the cold, but if dying’s gonna save Steve and his family, it’s gotta be okay, right? Bucky’s trying to shove the fear from his eyes, and it looks like it’s an effort of brute force; Bucky’s jaw grits, and a stony look settles over his face like a guy knowing he’s going to a chopping block no matter what.
But the slight tremor in his hands as they clutch at Steve’s biceps still gives him away as they part, but only just.
“I got a nephew named after me. And Stephanie-,” Bucky looks wide-eyed, ‘cause of course. Becca’s always had a soft spot for Steve, so it figures, but to hear they all got to have a family. And a great grand-nephew! Bucky feels old before his time, and something sad and proud flickers across his face. “An honest-to-God rocket scientist!”
Bucky feels himself sinking to the floor, right on his ass, and looking anything but a proper Sarge of the good ol’ US of A as he takes this all in. His family hadn’t been scraping as bad as Steve and he had when they set out to make something of themselves, but to never have to go through the Great Crash.
“Shit, I’ll take it. Maybe it’s worth it, really worth it,” Bucky sounds hushed, because dread and happiness clash against each other so much that he’s not sure what to think. Bucky looks up at Steve, and only sees the kind of bone-deep exhaustion you saw in guys on the front too long. “Isn’t that why we shipped out in the first place? To stop the Nazis, give everyone else a future?”
Tell me I didn't die for no goddamn reason, is what Bucky's silently asking.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-04-15 03:25 am (UTC)Focus on my family. On Steve. It’s hard to feel the same rah-rah when Uncle Sam left you out in the cold, but if dying’s gonna save Steve and his family, it’s gotta be okay, right? Bucky’s trying to shove the fear from his eyes, and it looks like it’s an effort of brute force; Bucky’s jaw grits, and a stony look settles over his face like a guy knowing he’s going to a chopping block no matter what.
But the slight tremor in his hands as they clutch at Steve’s biceps still gives him away as they part, but only just.
“I got a nephew named after me. And Stephanie-,” Bucky looks wide-eyed, ‘cause of course. Becca’s always had a soft spot for Steve, so it figures, but to hear they all got to have a family. And a great grand-nephew! Bucky feels old before his time, and something sad and proud flickers across his face. “An honest-to-God rocket scientist!”
Bucky feels himself sinking to the floor, right on his ass, and looking anything but a proper Sarge of the good ol’ US of A as he takes this all in. His family hadn’t been scraping as bad as Steve and he had when they set out to make something of themselves, but to never have to go through the Great Crash.
“Shit, I’ll take it. Maybe it’s worth it, really worth it,” Bucky sounds hushed, because dread and happiness clash against each other so much that he’s not sure what to think. Bucky looks up at Steve, and only sees the kind of bone-deep exhaustion you saw in guys on the front too long. “Isn’t that why we shipped out in the first place? To stop the Nazis, give everyone else a future?”
Tell me I didn't die for no goddamn reason, is what Bucky's silently asking.